Training camp takes place in Gainesville Georgia.
I arrived in ATL at 6AM on a red eye so I made friends with everyone at the airport before we even got on sight. I started to notice how west coast I am and how Not everybody else is. Everyone on my team says, “y’all” like it’s their favorite word in the dictionary. I tried to tell them its pronounced “you guys” but I was out numbered in this scenario and didn’t find much joy in being the grammar police.
Because of my past history with churches, I was playing hard defense the first couple nights. If I’m being honest about the way I felt, I thought joined a cult. I mean you can find some crazy stuff online about these guys and you never know what to believe now days. A random charismatic character took the stage seemingly to preach at us but didn’t even crack open scripture, demanding us to chant nonsense to scare demons out of our souls. It was more of a motivational speech looking back at it now.
Rain started to fall, as we rushed to set up tents outside trying to avoid sleeping in water. The days started to blur together, getting up early and talking on the phone late at night, But a few days in God got in my face during worship service. He told me I had to let go of something. Something deep.
I was raised to praise material From a Young age, Disregarding some time in high school when I was mentored by some hippies that relocated from Oakland. Success looked like cash, Wheels from Europe and a good looking girl on your arm. Since my attention span lacked, I never believed I could complete college, However I was the best guitar player in my High school which gave me some hope. My dream was to be a rockstar since I was 6. I remember watching Angus Young from ACDC on TV, sliding across the stage, making his Gibson Guitar scream. A true axemen.
All or nothing, I wanted to be that but then my dreams turned slowly into fear. If I didn’t reach it, I would end up homeless on the streets. That dream told me drug abuse was essential, and if I didn’t use, I would never reach success. Something about drugs lets you Chanel spirits to find your muse. You write things you never would write, writing sober. When I was at home, I was a failure because it was so obvious I was using. Drug addict was the label placed on my forehead at home but to the outside I was a talented artist.
I did a lot of Work to get clean at the same time keeping that dream alive. When I gave my life to God, my writing stayed the same but my heart changed.
Summer has been kicking off. Usually I’m around water sports and cheap beer. I would have scored a gig at the wakeboard park but I was turned down that job because I’m leaving so soon to Mongolia. I’d be focusing on my band, promoting upcoming shows and a new album if I wasn’t leaving. Just a few minutes ago, i walked into a coffee shop and was asked “when are you going to make it big?”. I Laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing. God is still teaching me how to receive compliments like this because Im not fully aware of what the heck I’m even offering to the world or what I’m even offering to God.
It’s going to be hard leaving the states, but i think God will do many things outside of my comfort zone. If God is faithful to me, I got to be faithful back by going on this trip.
Paying 20 grand to do ministry work for a year is a pretty big sacrifice if you ask me, And raising that money is another spiritual journey in itself. Especially when you could be using time to be in the studio with other talented musicians and even getting further education.
But God brought something else to my attention. During training camp, as I mentioned before, He told me I had to let go of something deep. He tugged on a root of insecurity on why I even play music in the first place, and man it was scary.
Imagine standing in the middle of service, when suddenly you have a full blown panic attack. Dream and talents that have support who you are ripped from underneath you. Now standing empty, and not knowing your own worth, You really got nothing except God left.
So maybe that’s the way it’s really suppose to look like. I mean a father wouldn’t love his son because he got dope gifts, he would just love him for who he is. I know dreams are not a bad thing but when we hold on to them so tight, they become “God”, and then they become destructive.
Take Rock climbing for example. Some people can Climb for hours, but others get fatigued quickly. A lot of this is mental game. If we aren afraid of heights, we focus on the our fear more than climbing which causes are body to tense up and loose all are energy, but if we have broken up with that fear, we are relaxed and flexible so we are able to last a lot longer.
God didn’t put dreams in are heart for not to be pursued, but if you got a death grip on them, God can’t even make use them.
I never thought I would experience an Ego death at worship out in Georgia. Im grateful to the max for what God is doing. This whole trip is really pushing me to become something else I never thought I was capable of becoming, and its all part of Gods blueprints. Im really just trying to Keep up.
“Great sacrifice takes great responsibility” – Spiderman
