Good morning everyone! At 4 am this morning, I woke up due to the intense amount of heat overwhelming my body! Okay, that is a tad dramatic, but I really did wake up because I was so hot. In the summer, my room is the hottest in the house, so I went into the living room in attempt to cool off and fall back asleep; however, I found myself laying on the couch with my eyes wide open. After laying there for about thirty minutes, I felt prompted to talk to the Lord. If I’m being honest, I really did not want to in the slightest. At that point, all I wanted was to be able to fall back asleep, but by the look of things, that was not going to happen anytime soon so I decided it was time to sit down with God. I really enjoy writing down the things I speak to Him about and what is said back to me because it is so interesting to look back on. This morning, I found myself writing more than I usually do and feeling at such ease. Although my thoughts were quite scattered, there was one particular topic that I felt like the Lord was telling me I needed to put into a blog. He told me that I needed to put the same thoughts I had put on paper this morning into a blog, completely unfiltered. I wrestled with this because what I write down to the Lord is special to me and it is a part of my mind that is completely free. I can state what I am thinking without judgement and it gives me a sense of release. I am not trying to say the “right” thing to the Lord or attempt to word anything in a way that captivates Him because there is no need. He simply just wants to know my heart. He loves me as I am. I don’t have to work to impress Him or win Him over. With that being said, this blog post makes me slightly fearful due to the rawness of it. I don’t understand why I was asked to post this because quite frankly, I feel like these thoughts I am about to type aren’t adequate enough to be put in a blog or even going to be understood, but hey, the big guy up above knows what is best so I am choosing to trust Him. Without further ado, welcome to Gracelyn’s 4 am thoughts…
“I feel like there are so many different aspects of you that different people experience at different points in life. Which makes sense considering the devil attacks us with different things according to the specific purpose that you have called us to walk in. But then again, maybe I am over-complicating things. Maybe everything is a lot simpler than I am making it out to be, but I am just overwhelmed by all of it. You encompass so much, but I don’t know how to bask it all in. I feel like it’s a process that will always be a search for more, while being enough at the same time. And as I am writing this, I see how that is okay because if there wasn’t always a healthy search for more, then that may imply that we are at a comfortable spot with you. But I don’t ever want to be at that point, because being there would mean that I am not growing…and you and I both know that is a recipe for disaster. Gosh, right now I am just thinking about all the things that would be so rough if growth wasn’t an option. The amount of hurdles I would TUMBLE over because I didn’t have the experience or strength. I don’t ever want to live or lead a “comfortable” life. I want to always seek growth in fact. Will that mean that I face more challenges? Yes. But that doesn’t have to be a daunting thing. In today’s day and age, “challenge” can have a negative connotation to a large amount of people…but it doesn’t have to. Challenges mean that we are doing more than easy. But that’s a good thing. Anyone can do easy. “Easy” seemingly can be done without you because those tasks are something that we feel as if we can do without much at all. We can do “easy” with ease. But what is it that we need with a challenge? Oh yeah. Strength. And where does our strength come from? Well, often times, people think it is from themselves. And fine…give yourself that credit. But then when even our own strength fails us? Right. We have to rely on YOUR strength. And what does that in turn increase? Our DEPENDENCY on you. And what does that do? It speaks to others that there must be something in life that is larger than ourselves. And THAT gives all glory to you. It’s a spectacle really. The beauty you create out of the hills and valleys of our lives.”
Thank you for reading! If you have any thoughts about any of this at all, I’d love to hear them! 🙂
