It has been almost two whole weeks since receiving my acceptance call. I had just arrived home from work. I effortlessly ran through the motions of a regular Friday afternoon; let the dog out, throw some sweet potato in a boiling pot for a pre-dinner snack, maybe put some music on, change into my beloved sweats that I could live in all day, everyday. It was all so normal. Until it wasn’t.
I remember earnestly praying for this process. I asked the Lord that if it were His will for my life, that He make the steps simple and straightforward. I never wanted to feel like I was forcing this or fighting Him on any of it. He knows my heart (and yours as well), so I never had to tell him what I wanted or what I was feeling. I just had to continuously ask Him if this is what HE wanted. You see, I’m a huge believer that when you seek first the kingdom of God, your desires are rooted and come from the desire Jesus has specifically for you (Matthew 6:33). If you’re in consistent pursuit of God’s heart, your thoughts, actions, words, callings and so on, intertwine with who God is. So I never sat here and begged Jesus to give me permission to go on The World Race. He knew how badly my heart wanted it. He knew how devastated I would have felt if the answer was a big fat ‘no.’ He knew all of this, because He’s the one that put the desire on my heart in the first place.
While moving through the motions that day, I received a text letting me know I was soon going to get an important call. I froze. I felt my heart drop to my stomach; excitement, fear of rejection, happiness, nerves, and so much more that I can’t even explain to this day, all kicked in. But I remember God speaking to me at that very moment. Want to know what He said? He straight up told me to chill out. I seriously appreciate how real He can be with me at times (lol).
Well, we all know how this ends. I got the call, was told I was accepted, cried and then the call was over. It was a five minute conversation that drastically changed the next two years of my life.
I wanted to start my story from the end and not the beginning. I wanted to let everyone who is reading this right now realize how effortlessly God works in all of our lives when we are willing to LET Him. He stores up blessings upon blessings for us. Like I said, everything was normal, until it wasn’t. I have been unconsciously moving through life just trying to make it. Be what everyone expects me to be. Make the next realistic and ‘adult’ move. But it’s draining and extremely exhausting to run away from your calling. I ran for so long because I was scared. I ran because I didn’t feel qualified. I ran because all I’ve ever known in my life is my sweet little home of Charlotte, North Carolina (seriously, I went to elementary, middle, high school and even college here). I made excuse upon excuse as to why this was so not for me. But I’ve come to a place in life where I’m tired of running. I can’t sit here and expect Jesus to guide me on a path I’m not meant to be on. I’m not saying that all fear has vacated my heart, but what I am saying is that I’m more scared of living a life that I’ve settled for.
You know that feeling you get when you know something extraordinary is about to happen? When you feel God is about to show up and show out? That is the best way I can explain what I’ve been feeling since the day I sent my application in. When you step into your calling, and let God call the shots, it’s like the heaviest weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I know I could never do this on my own, but the best part of it all is that I don’t have to. I will never have to.
Here’s to this new season that will surely be filled with many highs and lows. A season that I’m positive will change my heart for the rest of my life. And a season that is guaranteed to be filled with a whole bunch of Jesus. I surrender all to You Jesus, as I step into this calling.
Thank you all again for all the kind words and prayers. Hopefully with time I’ll get better at sharing this journey with you all through my blog.
To Him be the all the glory forever and ever.
So I’ll stay
Fixed within Your life
A branch within Your vine
Apart from You Lord I’ve got nothing
