Hey! I just wanted to give you guys an update as to what the next month is going to look like for me, and ask for your thoughts and prayers.
I’m realizing I have a problem with wifi usage.
I have a hard time managing my time while I’m on it, because it always seems to feel like it’s never enough to really get my stuff done. Calling my friends and family. Applying for scholarships. Writing blogs. Replying to texts and emails. Updating supporters via social media. It’s like whether I have 2 hours or 8, not everything seems like it can be done. And that REALLY stresses me out. So guess what I have a tendency to do!!!! NOTHING!!!! I allow myself to feel so overwhelmed that I literally cannot function. Which makes me feel more overwhelmed.
I struggle with being authentic in my updates. I honestly usually don’t have the emotional energy to give them real updates, so sometimes I just send “Good!! Thank you!!” When I really want to say something more like “This week I literally cried every night because the dinner I got was something I couldn’t make myself eat and I am so hungry. I couldn’t sleep for the fourth night in a row. Ministry is wonderful and awful all at the same time. I love Ecuador and it has helped me find what I am passionate about but that makes it harder to be where my feet are. I miss you guys more than I could say, but I can’t see myself anywhere else.” And then so much more. I can NEVER give the update I want to because my words cannot describe everything and even if they could time would not allow it. I usually am left feeling more emotionally drained than before because then I feel bad about what I gave them and feel like I could have done more. COMMUNICATION IS HARD!!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF SOCIAL MEDIA! It is a time eater. BUT SHOOT my finger goes right to it and I scroll for hours. I hate that I allow it to be a place where I escape the real things I have to do. It’s such a ministry opportunity and I am thankful for that— but sometimes I just want to have the self control to not be on it ya know!!??
I am siiiccckk of spending money so that I can use wifi! It stinks. Sure, yes, I could not do so but I feel so rude and ahh I am using their stuff so it just feels right??!!!! Like…y’all know I love a good matcha latte but I do not love spending money.
I am sad that I’m wasting my days here by being on wifi. Missing the cool parts of this country and this journey because I am caught up in what I have to do for school or whatever else I am on wifi for.
I do not wanna waste this opportunity so many of you helped contribute to!
So I’m not going to. For February, I am going to be fasting from wifi usage.
Well, at least the parts I don’t feel are healthy for me. SOOOO no more Instagram, texts to home, or facetime calls. I am so sorry that my struggle has to come at your expense, everyone!!!!!
I AM however going to be keeping up with my emails considering I am an upcoming college student (Go bulldogs!) and I have stuff to attend to. So if it is an EMERGENCY please do not hesitate to contact me via email. Just please respect what I am doing and love me well by not contacting me unless it is one!!!!! No hate just trying to fix some pieces of my heart <3
I love you all so much and cannot wait to tell you about how the Lord moves in this season of change. It’s honestly going to be really hard for me, but I know I have each of your prayers and that means the world!
You may hear from me via this blog if I see it fit, but if not, bye for the month!!!! Have a sweeeeettt February.
