Their success is not my failure.
Lately, I have been reminding myself “their success is not my failure”. I have this on repeat in my head every day. I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others (as most of us do). I see the successes of others and I can’t help but wonder why I am not seeing the same results. This habit of mine has been very evident since committing to the World Race.
Unlike most people, I have the incredible privilege of going through this World Race journey with someone very close to me, my incredible boyfriend. We had our interviews in the same week and were accepted around the same time as well. Although he is doing a different route, it is nice knowing that I have someone around me that is going through the same thing. But at the same time, it makes things a little more tricky than they would have been otherwise.
I started comparing my journey to his and I began to doubt my call to the race because of it. Every time he got a donation I was torn between many different emotions. I was so happy for him and proud of him but at the same time I felt a pit in my stomach and my head was filled with thoughts like “what am I doing wrong?”, “why does he have donations already and I don’t?” and “am I really called to the world race, because if I am I should have donations by now.” It wasn’t, and isn’t, just about the donations. The whole process of acceptance came a lot easier to him than it did to me. I had few extra steps and requirements expected of me to be accepted. Somehow I had convinced myself that if I was really meant to do the World Race it would be and should be easy. That simply is not true for me. This is quite possibly the most difficult thing I have been through.
I can’t help but be discouraged from time to time. There were (and are) countless times that I found myself bawling in my room because the feelings of disqualification and inadequacy creep up on me. Let me tell you, the spirit comparison is the thief of joy. Now, I am not writing this to tell you that I have overcome comparison or anything of the sort. Comparison is a daily struggle in my life. However, I am telling you that I know deep down that his success is not my failure. In fact, his success should also be my success.
I am so busy focusing on the little details that I lose sight of the bigger picture. It’s not about who can get the most donations the fastest or who can get the most views on their blog. It’s about what God is doing through the whole process. It’s about what God is doing in him and in me. It’s about what God is doing through you.
My story is so unique and so different. It is not worthy of comparison.
Xx Em
