I saw this quote that said something along the lines of “it’s hard being the strong friend because no one ever asks how you are,” and while I don’t agree with it 100%, I get it.
People have always cared about me and asked how I am. My friends check in on me and we have deep conversations. But I’m supposed to be the strong friend. So I downplay my situations, I don’t show that my heart is breaking, and I for sure don’t cry in front of you. Like, ever. And you know, I’ve always been proud to be the strong friend. I want to be there for you, I want to be your safe place, I want to carry your deepest darkest secrets and let you know that you’re still seen and loved…but something has changed in me, and this blog is kinda weird to write because I’m still working on accepting this new part of myself.
Y’all. I cry now, and I don’t just mean a little. I cry a LOT. And I never used to, so I’m always a little shocked and embarrassed when I feel my eyes start to burn and that lump form in my throat. So to show you what I mean when I say a LOT, here are a few examples:
- I went to a UT basketball game and when one player fell down her teammate went to help her up. I cried.
- At the same game, I found out that they named the basketball court “The Summit” after their coach Pat Summit who died of Alzheimers. I cried…again.
- I was at work and my friend said I have 30-something days left before the race. I cried.
- The doctor I work with told me that they really love having me on their team and they’re going to miss me. I cried.
I cry sad tears when I think about leaving my family and friends, but I also cry happy tears when I hear encouraging words, the Lord speaks to me, or someone gives me a meaningful gift. I know it’s a funny realization to have, but I see the Lord in this more than I ever thought I would. Have you ever taken time to really think about it? The Lord sees every tear you cry. Literally every single one! From the day to were born, to a skid knee, to a heartbreak, to a “wow I love you so much” cry.
He’s been there for all of it, and I’m starting to realize that those moments are the times I feel closest with Him. Crying out of happiness is an opportunity to give Him praise for a blessing, and crying out of sorrow is an opportunity to lean on Him. HOW COOL. The Lord is redeeming things in me that I didn’t even know were broken.
So to anyone I come in contact with up to launch, and to my sweet, sweet S squad…get ready for it. I’m a blubbering mess. And ya know what? The Lord has given me the freedom to do it without shame. HA. Let’s gooooo.
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 58:6
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes…” Revelation 21:4
