The first blog post I wrote on this platform was on November 4th 2018. I had just turned 17 two months before while starting my 3rd and senior year of high school. If you had asked me then what I imagined myself like in 2 years I probably would have given a vague description of a life that looked somewhat like it did then, but more improved. Yet what the Lord actually did was better than anything I could have projected: He tore down everything about the life I was living and built it back up in his image. If you go back and read through some of my older blogs you can see the gradual progression and testament to what the Lord was doing, sometimes directly through the words I wrote and other times between the lines. This space has been mine for the past 2 years and not only the blog, but my corner with AIM (adventures in Missions) and everything tethered to it.
I’ve been writing and deleting this blog for the past few weeks not knowing if I could put words or even should put words to the ending of one of my most life transforming seasons. I technically ended my time as a Team Leader and time with AIM the second week of December when we had a final zoom call with our team and I cried while giving them my parting words and telling them how proud I was of them. But here I find myself at the AIM base in Georgia again with Gap D for their launch to Costa Rica for the rest of their 5 months on the race. This feels more concrete, more permanent. When I leave this base, I will be journeying on into the next phase of my life.
As I was thinking about writing this blog of course Hamilton drifted into my head, specifically the scene where Hamilton is authoring Washington’s farewell address to the nation. I went through the actual farewell address and it is quite long, but also intricately beautiful. My favorite section comes at the end:
“Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.” This is the part that is quoted in Hamilton, but what it leaves out is this, “Whatever they may be, I fervently beseech the Almighty to avert or mitigate the evils to which they may tend. I shall also carry with me the hope that my country will never cease to view them with indulgence; and that, after forty-five years of my life dedicated to its service with an upright zeal, the faults of incompetent abilities will be consigned to oblivion, as myself must soon be to the mansions of rest.” WOW
I love how at the beginning he admits to doing the best he could have, while also admitting in humility that while he worked to excel, he is also not blind to the possibility that he may have made many mistakes. That is my hope for leaving this space: that my readers and supporters would know I gave everything on the mission field and on this blog to share the stories in an honoring way, with that being said I also know there were many times I messed up or didn’t share the love of Jesus or conveyed something in a blog that wasn’t biblical and for that “I fervently beseech the Almighty to avert or mitigate the evils to which they may tend.”
Washington had pleaded to God that he would erase or lessen the damage that his actions or words might have created. He is risking being totally forgotten for the sake of the betterment of the budding country around him.
I have nowhere near the influence that Washington did, but I pray that God’s kingdom was represented in this space, and if not, I willingly pray that it would be forgotten, blown into the dust.
For those who have commented on any blog, simply know that I was on the other side of the screen blooming with a smile! Every kind word was an encouragement to me and to my mission. I discovered my love for writing and bringing people into the process here. Of giving people the language to explain their emotions and in doing so, opening a little more of myself up to the world.
This is my last blog on this platform, but not my last blog ever. I will continue writing blogs about my ministry in the spring with Circuit Riders and life after over at elliemiller.co/blog. I would love to have you subscribe and continue on the journey. If you choose not to, I thank you for the time you have given to my words. Time is precious and I do not take it lightly that you would use yours to understand my heart.
Oh man I am so grateful and blessed by these past 2 years with AIM. For W squad that was there for the first half and D squad who was there for the 2nd half. To Madie, Alicia, Mo, Grant, and Leanna: Thanks for being here for the entire crazy ride. I am blessed to have known y’all as who I was and who I am now. Thank you for always reminding me of the growth I didn’t always see in myself and spurring me on. Life with y’all is nothing short of Kingdom.
“you’re on to bigger and better things,” Madie said to me in a 1on1 we had where I began to verbally process leaving the life I had lived with AIM over the past 2 year.
“maybe not better things just different things,” I responded not wanting to discredit my time with AIM. We sat and paused a moment before Madie said,
“no, I think better things.” I was confused for a second wondering how she could even know if Circuit Riders was going to be better than the community I had with AIM. But it wasn’t about Circuit Riders, or AIM, or even the people I would meet, no it’s never about what’s next, but who is leading you into the ‘next.’ And with Him its always Glory to Glory.
Onward,
El
Now go listen to “goodbye road” by JohnnySwim
