Yesterday, wasn’t a good day for me. I had a lot going on in my head about stuff back home.. I just can’t fully grasp the concept that once I am back in America I won’t be going back to the home I lived in all my life.. All my life I made memories in that home, I got pushed through the glass door, and I got beat up in the hallways. I convinced my sister that I was bleeding by putting ketchup all over me…
All the memories and all of that was taken from me while I was out of town enjoying a last family get together before I came to Cambodia. I still have worry and doubt about everything that has gone on since I’ve been gone. But God keeps giving me signs that everything is going to be alright..
All my life I have struggled with talking about my problems it just hasn’t come naturally to me. But when I ask God for a sign he always gives me one. I really want God to show up and do something super awesome for the kids and I have been praying about that. We received a good bit of donations and yesterday my team helped some of the boys from the orphanage make the concrete.. So that’s God right there making steps. We also got to take the older kids to the trampoline park and seeing the excitement in their eyes really bought me joy.
Joy// a feeling of great happiness or pleasure
Experiencing joy comes in all types of ways. You can experience joy from a young child, a winning shot, or knowing that you impacted someone’s life for the better.
The kids here give me a type of joy that I can not even begin to describe. They do not complain about anything. They make jokes. They live their lives to the fullest despite all they have been through.. The kids they are strong. Just like you and I are strong. I feel like I keep repeating myself when I type these blogs.. But these kids to have so little or so grateful.
It really saddens me when I see what little they have because I feel like I can relate to them. But in all reality I can not reality to them.. The flip flops they wear are torn and they still wear them, and they do not complain. Some of theirs jeans are super worn out.. The clothes they have are worn and other kids have super nice clothes.. The children who have a parent living are able to get some money sent to them.. But the kids who’s parents both have passed do not get the option unless they have older siblings..
They have to do chores around the orphanage and do not complain. While when I am at home I can not even stand touching wet food due to the texture of it..
When I get home everything is going to be different like my home situation and stuff. But the God I serve is still going to be a loving awesome God who works wonders. I still am over whelmed and do not get my home situation. But I have to trust in timing of everything.
** Prayer request ** Please pray for me that I can open up with my team about my situation. It honestly is something that I struggle with because it is a fresh wound. But I feel like I am holding back due to the fact I know they won’t understand.
