It has been almost 6 months since I felt God tug at my heart to take a BIG leap! At first, I was on fire; I was selling t-shirts, posting all over Facebook, telling everyone I saw and then life started to happen. As the months began to pass, my life started to transform into a much different place than it was when I first made the decision to travel. I fell in love, work was no longer a stressor, family life was good and did I mention I fell in love? My focus began to fade and it became harder and harder to imagine walking away from all that God was blessing me with. You know, when you read about the disciples, leaving their nets and following Jesus; that’s it, end of the story but this impending trip opened my eyes and my heart to such a deeper understanding of what it means to follow Jesus. I had never thought about the families left behind, the jobs left behind, the belongings left behind, the emotions, the heartbreak, the sadness that has started to set in and I am sure did for the disciples as well. I prayed and prayed for God to set a fire under my butt again for this trip and just a few days ago, the one I fell in love with decided this wasn’t what was best anymore. My concept of love is still so selfish and God had to break my heart, to rebuild it. The pain and anguish my heart has experienced this last week and a half, is quite frankly some of the deepest pain I have ever felt but God has been ever present through it all. I have been able to understand that joy and grief can coincide and what it means to praise God, when your heart is shattered. Why this has happened, I am not too sure at this time but I know God has a plan. I know He is in total control. I know He is preparing me for something so much bigger than anything I could ever imagine. People come into your life for a reason, a season, a lesson or possibly a lifetime and the dynamic of said relationship may not always be a constant but one thing that is constant, is the love of Jesus. He is the one thing in my life, that will never fade, run or change. What I am learning is that until the love of Jesus is all I need, I will never fill the void inside. He is asking me to lay down my nets and I am ready to do so. I look forward to the tears, the laughter, the joy, the sorrow, the pain, the happiness and everything else He has in store for me in the years to come because His plan is always greater than mine.
