So, as I’m sure you have seen or heard, I am home! It has been a crazy few days- we found out we were leaving, left, and we’re home within about 4 days. I am so thankful for the AIM staff that worked so hard and around the clock to get all 533 of us home. This will be my last blog concerning the World Race: Gap Year, but I want you to know that you are more than welcome to reach out-seriously, whenever. I would actually love to hear from you and keep you with each of your lives! I do want to say before I get into anything:: I am the most thankful for you guys, aside from Jesus of course, throughout this journey. It has been a sweet one and a hard one, but your encouragement and financial partnership has been the greatest blessing. I just want to share a few of the greatest things I have learned, give a wrap up of the last 7 months of my life, and share where my heart is.
First:: A few of the greatest things that the Father + my community has taught me.
- As you know if you are a believer, as you seek the Lord, He is always revealing a new characteristic of Himself to you. In the last seven months, I have seen two sides that have impacted my life forever: The Lion & The Lamb. As the lion, He is my defender. He goes before me, and He comes behind me. He goes to fight my battles before I even know a battle is coming. He is my protector. & as the lamb, He is so full of gentleness. He patiently waits for me, and He allows me to walk. He walks with me, hand in hand, whispering the sweetest of truths to me, reminding me of His goodness. In fact, He romances me. He knows my heart & it’s greatest desires, He seeks me out personally, and He is always reminding me of how much He cares for me. I am not worthy of His love, but He chooses to love me and show me, just where I am.
- Spending time with Him does not have to be “boring” or the same all the time. I have learned that worshipping can look like singing, but it can also look like watercoloring or journaling. During my third, fourth, and fifth month, as I was walking through darkness in my mind, I had no desire to be with Him. BUT, when I chose it, He began to give me ways to spice up my quiet time that made me desire for time with Him to be my first priority. I have learned that God is not a feeling- sure, I feel Him in some moments more than others, but my relationship with Him has to be steadfast in TRUTH, not how I feel that day.
- He taught me the importance of community and the life it brings. I’ll say it- living with 33 people and always being around at least one person, usually 17, was not always my favorite. It’s not like you go to work and get to come home to an empty house- you go to work all day and come home to a room with 7 others and a house with 32 others. Community living is HARD, buuutttt, it was also one of my favorite aspects of the race. You. Need. Community. God does not desire for us to be alone- in fact, He always puts juuussttt the right people in your circle to encourage you, to speak life over you, to talk about the hard things with, to REJOICE, and just to have a sweet time together. I will never forget the moments with these sweet people of Gap A.
These are just a few things, but I am really thankful for the way He spoke each of these things to my heart in this season- He is so faithful and I couldn’t do it without Him.
Second:: What a whirlwind- a good one, of course. It is hard to explain what all life looked like in the last seven months- I’m sure it would be hard for you to say too! It has definitely been the most odd season of my life, as you can imagine, but also the most life-changing. It is always said that if the World Race is the best year of your life, they are doing something wrong. In saying that, not that it can’t be a good year, but this is just the start! After living at home for 18 years, this was definitely a year of so much change, but so much growth. It is common for us to not even see growth and be discouraged in that, but truly, when we look back, the Father has done so much inside of us. In the last half-year, I have grown in my dependence on Jesus, I have grown in the way I treat people, and I have grown in my personality too. I say it often, but I haven’t felt like ME at all, and I truly do not think it is a bad thing. It has been hard when nothing around you feels normal and you don’t feel that way about yourself either, but truly He is just refining me and making me better. Thank you, sweet Jesus.
Third && lastly:: Where my heart is! I spoke about it in my last blog, but this has been a HARD season of life- probably the hardest yet. In saying that, I am really looking forward to getting used to life here again and having a more consistent schedule. I am excited to be around my friends and family that I have missed so much annnddd my bed! (Ask my parents about the bed in Ecuador and the taste they got ;)). But, on the flip side, I did set out to complete nine months and I am sad that those got cut short. Even though it wasn’t my decision, it feels like a little bit of failure that I didn’t truly finish. The Lord knows, but part of me feels like I could’ve grown more and didn’t get to experience all that I could have in Him. So, there are obviously pros and cons and mixed emotions all around and that is how it is for many of my squad mates. Many of us are all over the place, but we know He is faithful and we are believing for the best.
A few practical things:::
• I ask that you would pray for all 533 of us coming back to the States. Life looked very different for the last season, and it is going to be hard coming back to something so different, yet familiar. Please just pray for clarity on next steps for many, for a good and healthy community to enter back into, and for each of us to continue to pursue God like He deserves to be pursued.
• Please be intentional about the questions you ask! I am a verrryyy open book and will tell you almost anything you want to know, but I am overwhelmed thinking about people asking the question of, “How was your trip?” That would be like me asking, “How were the last seven months of your life?” A little intimidating, right? In saying that, I have intentionally been reminding myself of specific things I learned each month, favorite memories, or even the things that were hard so that I can better answer your questions more accurately. So, maybe, ask me more specific questions. I know if we pass in the grocery store that we can’t talk for hours, so I have been preparing 30 second answers- to let you in on life, but also not consume your time!
•Lastly, please reach out anytime. Due to the virus, we are a little more limited, but I would be so willing to talk on the phone, to text, to grab coffee, anything! Sure, I have lived an usual life the last few months, but your life is just as extraordinary and I want to hear about YOU! So, message me anytime!
Thank you again for walking with me on this journey. As you know, I LOVE blogging, so I actually plan on starting my own blog in the next few weeks or months and just sharing of my reality and the faithfulness of God. Stay tuned if you want to be updated! I love you each very much- all my love!!!!!
P.S. :: I actually got two more tattoos on the Race- both concerning the two major things I learned on the field. Check it out!
The L I O N ! My defender. What a gooood Father we have.
God romances me! I was walking through learning this lesson over Christmas we working with a church to do a VBS for the local children while they were out of school. On Sunday, they gave us flowers and I immediately was reminded of how good God is and how much He loves me. This is the flower they gave me- thank you, Jesus.
