Dear Jesus,
What a 6 weeks it has been. For whatever reason, I thought my relationship with you would be easier on the field and not that life with you isn’t sweet, it is the sweetest indeed- but it definitely has not been easier. Thank you that you take away the distractions of first-world-living, but God, it’s hard when the enemy is attacking my identity, making me question weather I want to follow you, and trying to destroy the things you have created that are indeed GOOD. You spoke the word ‘refined’ over my team before we even got on a plane and we are in it to win it, but Jesus, it has been hard when you strip me completely of all that I have known. I know it is to rebuild me, but man, it hurts. What a blessing it is that you invite me in, if I will just say yes. You don’t NEED me for anything, but if I choose ‘yes,’ you so graciously allow me to be apart of witnessing and helping advancing Your Kingdom. It’s not always an easy yes, but when I choose it, I never regret it. Thank you, Jesus, for being worth it every time. I am most thankful for your faithfulness in seasons like this one- The one where I cannot hear you at all and my bucket is nearly empty. THIS is the time that you teach me that you are indeed all I need, and I am nothing without you, nor can I do anything without you. It is a blessing to look back and be reminded that YOU HAVE NOT FAILED ME YET. I know you are speaking, but I need your help with tuning my ears and heart to hear your voice, just as the sheep hear and know their shepards voice. I want you to know that I WILL praise before my breakthrough. When I decided that I was going to faithfully follow you, I made the promise that I would praise in the fruitful and abundant seasons, but also the dry ones too. God, thank you that you DELIGHT in me. It is an honor that you WANT to spend time with me and you seek me out, even when I don’t “feel” it. You are a sweet and good, good Father and I have found so much favor in you- Going out into the Squatter Camps and sharing the Gospel, you bring people to me that need to hear the truth that I need to be reminded of. Thank you that you know best and the people you place before me are struggling with what I am and because of that, I am able to speak and declare truth about who you are and what you have done, leading me to speak that over myself and begin to truly believe it. I am declaring that I no longer will have a relationship with you based off of experiences, but solely on your truth and who you say you are. You call me your own, and I have made up my mind- I’m never going back.
XOXO, Your Daughter
