the thought process that occurs during the “in between” weeks of training camp and launch are beyond comprehension at times. my internal processor on overload a lot of the days trying to balance the emotions but not letting them control me. feeling because being numb is unhealthy. thinking about all the exciting change that will be coming my way but also living in every perfect moment the lord has created for me in the now.
it is such a strange time. and the idea of leaving my family and friends and community at home has been one of the biggest struggles that i am still trying to wrap my head around at times and place it into the hands of the father. but he has been reminding me of so much over the last week, painting such a clear picture of long distance love.
i am currently in a long distance romantic relationship, which in itself is a struggle at times. and the last six weeks of this has included no contact other than three scheduled and timed phone calls. romantic, i know. but this long distance relationship is about to multiply by a whole stinking lot. which is a scary, nerve-wracking, and sometimes stressful thought to have.
like, “God, i feel like i’m barely handling one long distance relationship and now you’re asking me to only have these types of relationships with the people at home.”
and the lord is constantly painting images in my head of what his love looks like for me in certain seasons and i wanted to share.
while i am so busy reaching out to people, whether it be my boyfriend, or my family, or my best friend, or my church family. reaching so so far, my fingertips only touching theirs every once in a while, God’s hand is always in my other hand.
because the father is not one who loves from afar, only there when i want to reach out to him, or when wifi is available, or when things are tough. he is one with sweet love and adoration for me, always gripping my hand so tightly, looking upon me with precious eyes and saying, “i am reaching for you, not the other way around.” and it is not something i have completely accepted as true because the thought of an all powerful and mighty God reaching for me although i am broken and messy and completely lost at times is hard to grasp onto.
but i hope that it is something i strive to lean into during this season of long distance relationships with the people who usually i find comfort in. the idea that i already have such a precious and powerful hand holding mine, leading me to such divine peace and comfort, wow oh wow.
signing off for now,
charlie<3
countdown till launch is 26 days!!!
