there is so much that i wanted to have done by the time i finished high school.
top 15 people.
full ride or close to it to a great college.
being cheer captain.
having lots and lots of friends.
knowing what the heck I’m doing with not only the next four years, but the rest of my life.
but here i am. one day out from graduating. in a whirlwind of emotions, and disappointments, and joys, and memories, and tons and tons of lasts. but it has been difficult for me to accept change in this season and the unknowing of the future. especially when i feel as if i didn’t meet all the goals i had set for myself walking into high school that very first day.
as someone who wants to please everyone, never disappoint, or fail to meet the expectations others have of me, the last couple weeks of high school where academic intent and scholarships and awards were all recognized, i felt as if i had failed. like i was someone who just worked hard for absolutely nothing. i was feeling as if i had let my parents down. people who encouraged me and loved me through all the stresses of school and always taught me to pursue further education after high school. i felt as if i had let my teachers down. those who i respected and trusted, because i wasn’t getting tons and tons of scholarships and going to the best school in texas. i felt as if i had let my friends down, because i was choosing to leave them for nine months instead of start the journey of college and dorms and football games with them.
and it was so silly of me to get so caught up in that.
at my senior awards last thursday i was disappointed, and angry, and oh so envious of all of my peers getting to be recognized and praised for everything they were getting awarded. and as i walked across the stage with the principal announcing, “charlotte breda, going on the world race, a nine month mission trip,” the people behind my parents whispered “that is so cool.”
and “that is so cool,” is exactly right.
i was so caught up in the missing out. in the insecurities. the feeling of failure. the uncertainty. the doubt of the amazing things god has called me towards. the thought that my decision to choose boldness in this season was an overshot of my abilities.
and “that is so cool,” reminded me of all the cool things God is doing and has done and will continue to do in my life. in every season i walk through. he called me specifically to do this walk and this journey with each specific person on this route who i already know and love and cannot wait to do life with.
like wow.
jesus has called us, called me, to be the wick of a candle where his love is the flame.
to be light, the brightest of all kinds, fueled by his love and grace and beauty and salvation.
and i am going to step into the call next year by choosing boldness as lifestyle. choosing the mission of carrying the light through the world in places where darkness is overwhelming at times.
i declared to stand before god and say “here am i”, and with that i am abandoning my own timing and plans, the idea of control over my future. i am throwing away feelings of fear of missing out, insecurities in relationships because of long distances. doubts that i am making the right decision.
so i am choosing love. to love people better and bigger than i ever did before. to follow the lord. to imitate him. to have more of him and less of me.
he gave me my compassion and work ethic and painted the green in my eyes and knit me together. he placed the stars in the sky and created the most beautiful of landscapes and people and memories and stories. and still, he calls me worthy and loved and by my name so i can glorify his.
so i am leaving senior year,
number 16 in my class.
choosing passion and spiritual growth.
having the best memories of senior year possible.
with friends that love and encourage and make me laugh like no other.
and knowing that life is oh so good. and god is so much greater and smarter and precise than i could ever be when planning out my life.
i hope this vulnerability and peek into my life was able to let you see how God is working in my life and hopefully it speaks to you in maybe a season of change, or growth, or weakness.
also, i would ask that you prayerfully consider joining me on this awesome incredible journey by donating or even just subscribing to this blog so you can get updates. i am sitting about halfway funded for my entire trip which is just so awesome and the lord is seriously providing in the coolest of ways and i would love for every single one of you to be apart of it.
you can always venmo me @charliebreda, donate right here, send me emails or direct messages at [email protected] or @charliebreda on instagram if you ever wanna talk or ask questions or send prayer requests.
signing off for now,
charlie<3
