Although I can confidently say that fear no longer controls my life, worry is still very much a thing that happens sometimes. So the question, “Am I doing enough?” is one that I frequently ask myself, especially when it comes to fundraising for The World Race.
I worry that I’m not doing enough fundraisers, that I’m not posting enough, that I waited too long to send out support letters (which will hopefully be going out in the mail on Monday), and that I’m not good enough at explaining what I will be doing or my heart for this.
But I ALSO worry that I’m doing too many fundraisers at once, posting so much that people are getting annoyed with me, that people won’t want to see another support letter in the mail so soon, and that I talk about my Peru trip and my excitement for the World Race too much.
So, as you can imagine this just leaves me very stressed and confused. I kinda suck at trusting in God sometimes. It’s just hard being in this situation where everything is outside of my control.
The truth about fundraising is that I don’t like asking people to donate. If it was at all feasible for me to earn $19,200 by myself in such a short period of time, I would do it. Believe me, I was the kid who would tell my friends’ parents I wasn’t hungry because I felt bad if they had to spend money buying me dinner. And it always takes me way too long to come up with a Christmas list, because I don’t want material things I don’t need anymore.
God has really had to grow me in the area of accepting nice things from people. Now when my friends insist on paying for my meal, I only argue back and forth a little bit before I finally just let them bless me (see I’ve clearly still got some room to grow). I’ve always loved giving gifts way more than receiving them, so it’s hard for me.
But here’s the important thing; I need to be good at accepting free gifts. Because if I can’t even accept a coffee, how am I supposed to accept Jesus taking on the weight of everything I have and ever will do wrong and dying so that my sin would no longer separate me from God?
This whole time I’ve been getting the question wrong. It’s not about anything I can do; it’s about who I am and who God is. Nothing I do could ever earn this free gift that I’ve been given. I just have to accept it without my pride getting in the way. So I can look in the mirror and ask myself, “Am I enough?”
And the answer is yes! Jesus sure thought so.
-Catherine Choquette 🙂
