Okay, so this past weekend I went to a Christian conference for college students called BASICcon! This was my 6th time going, and the theme for this semester was “New.” It was based on the idea that we have been made new, and after all these years God is still doing something new. Now I was expecting something new at the conference this semester, but I never expected what actually took place!
I kid you not when I say that I cried in practically every session that weekend. And while this may be what the typical BASICcon experience looks like for many other people, not for me. It takes A LOT to get me to cry, especially in public. In fact, it’s not unusual for me to go months on end without crying. And these weren’t happy tears; they were sad tears, each time spurred by a heaviness I felt in my heart. It would just overwhelm me to the point of tears flowing out of me. Why was I feeling this way? I seriously had no idea.
I was so used to feeling extreme joy and a strong connection to God in that environment. I’m not gonna lie, by the time Saturday afternoon/night hit, I was getting real upset and frustrated with God. Why would he bring me all the way there just to feel disconnected from him like that? I was supposed to be on this “spiritual high” that everyone else was experiencing.
Don’t get me wrong, the messages were amazing, and a few of them hit home, but I just had no idea how to handle what I was feeling. If you would have asked me how I was doing Saturday night, I would’ve told you, “I feel weird.” It wasn’t until I got home Sunday afternoon that God revealed to me exactly what he was doing.
God was quite literally showing me the pain He feels when we don’t see ourselves as He does. And that HURT me. An overarching theme of the weekend was centered on the idea of self-love and seeing ourselves as completely worthy through Jesus. And God revealed to me that so many people hate themselves and think they’re worthless, unable to see the value that they have because they haven’t been taught anything different.
But God wants to show people the truth. The truth is that you are loved, you are more than enough, you are not your mistakes, you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you are exactly who God says you are. Never forget that.
