This is the view I had about ten minutes after hearing my mammaw had passed away, as I sat crying and praying in the most secluded part of the hotel I could find. Early Saturday morning, she just stopped breathing. She was in her late nineties.
For those who don’t know, she has been living with my family for about eighteen years as she slowly slipped into the depths of dementia. I am sad she’s gone. I’m sad that she spent so many years in confusion and pain. But, for those same reasons, I’m glad she’s gone. She is in the arms of the Lord – surrounded by greater love than we could ever give her and filled with peace. She has been renewed in a way that I can’t even comprehend – and can’t wait to experience myself.
It was still hard to hear because there is so much more to her passing away than I can or will share in a blog, but it is much harder being away from my family right now. I thought she might pass away this year, but never so soon in my trip. There is so much I want to say to my family. I just want to be there to discuss it with them and see how they’re doing and let them know it will be ok. I know there is a beautiful church community around to love on them, but the intricacies of this time of transition are going to continue for a while and to not be there is hard.
All I can do every day we can’t talk is pray that the Comforter, who is in all of us, takes my place. Holy Spirit is better than anyone in times like these to being peace and understanding and assurance. A teammate said that maybe that is why God timed her passing in this way – to teach me that I cant comfort them, really. It is literally forcing me not to rely on my own power to help them. And it’s a great, and super tough and challenging and important thing to learn.
I pray He counsels them and comforts them, that he grants understanding and knits them together in unity. I pray He provides for every need and gives wisdom in every decision and situation. I pray He meets them in whatever they’re feeling and assures them that He sees them and knows their minds even better than they do and loves them dearly.
Please join me in this prayer.
