This week my squad was hit with some pretty earth shattering news. Especially earth shattering for life on the World Race, the only thing I have known for the past six months.
Since I have left the states, my singular consistency, other than the Lord, has been my squad. We’ve changed countries, cultures, homes, and routines together. We’ve faced gains and losses, have been healthy and unwell, exhausted and worn out, but we’ve always had each other to go through it with.
We’ve become each other’s sole family, friends, and community. In foreign countries, we’ve been the only English speakers around each other. (You have no idea how close you manage to get to people when they’re the only ones you talk to for six months).
We’ve celebrated all of the family centered holidays together and counted on the encouragement and relationship of one another as homesickness has come and gone.
We’ve all been separated from our “worlds” that once consumed us entirely. Our background, family, friends, home, and past. We all individually abandoned the identities we previously created and protected, letting them be broken down and remade.
In two weeks my squad will be transitioning out of the life we’ve made and experienced in Guatemala and heading off to Cambodia for the last three months of our race.
To discuss the change that is coming up in Cambodia, our group’s leaders called a meeting earlier this week. With eeriness polluting the air, we all awaited with tension, not wanting to hear the news.
Alas, our worries were confirmed: our squad is being split into two parts for our last three months of the race.
We expected to have the rest of our trip together. We expected to have three more months to cultivate and water the friendships we have been growing. We expected that before our life changing trip ended, we would still have three more months to be with this once in a lifetime family.
Now, I am held by the weight of having two weeks left with the ten strangers who have become sisters. The ones that have become best friends. Those that have encouraged me as I have felt alone and helped me to carry my burdens so I didn’t have to do it by myself. The ones that built me up instead of shut me down.
The ladies I have made countless memories with. Counting down New Years, singing and dancing to our favorite songs, being broken down on the side of the road, laughing until extreme stomach pains come. Camping, crying, exploring, praying, encouraging, screaming. Hard times and the good ones too.
I am consumed with the seemingly impossible task of how to say goodbye to these loved ones I dearly treasure. How to honor them and celebrate them well. How to spend time with them, when in reality there is barely any free time to spare in our busy schedule.
Though this news is sudden and alarming, I cling to truth to remain encouraged and, in all honesty, sane.
I trade out the weight on my shoulders and heaviness in my heart with the easy yoke and light burden my Father has for me.
The unexpected news of saying heartfelt ‘see you laters’, or ‘hasta luegos’, to my sisters is a loss that I am mourning.
My feelings about this situation are valid, but truth is stronger. Truth is more powerful, truth is steadfast, truth is the solid foundation that holds me up. Truth refreshes my spirit and encourages me when my feelings don’t. Truth never changes, while my feelings consistently do.
I give truth the power to rule my life, while if my feelings did there would surely be trouble.
Truth says in Jeremiah 31 that God will turn my mourning into joy; comfort me, and give me gladness for sorrow.
Truth says in Deuteronomy 3 to be strong and courageous. To not be afraid or terrified, because the Lord my God goes with me; he will never leave me nor forsake me.
Truth says in Proverbs 3 to trust in the Lord will all my heart and not to lean on my own understanding, because the truth is I don’t have the understanding that God has. I do not have the power to know my future, to know the work he is doing in my life, or to understand the things far too vast for me.
In Mark 5, Jesus overhears the doubts and worries of some of the people he was surrounded by at the time and says, “Do not fear, only believe.”
Jesus overhears my fears, worries, and doubts and says, “do not fear, only believe”.
Because I trust truth far more than my own understanding, emotions, and feelings, I will believe.
Because truth has never let me down, I believe.
Because truth has the best for me, I believe.
Because truth is kind and compassionate, I believe.
I believe that all things will work out for good. I believe that he is sovereign and in control. I believe that I do not have to be fearful for the fate of the friendships and relationships I have made that will be separated for the remainder of my race.
I believe that I can trust truth, otherwise known as Jesus my King, God my Father, and Holy Spirit my Comforter.
