Ephesians 2:22 (MSG)
“That’s plain enough, isn’t it? You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. YOU BELONG here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using all of us — irrespective of how we got here — in what he is building. He used the apostle’s and prophets for the foundation. Now he is using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day — a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.”
I love this imagery in scripture! So powerful!!
A dream in my heart is to someday own a home. Not just any home, but a home that is a refuge. It will be a place that when you pull up to it is surrounded by beauty of nature, and it itself is a humble masterpiece in its design and architecture. The windows with simple character. They are tall and wide, allowing every possible ounce of the sunshine in as well as the crisp cool fall air and the sweet aromas that dance in the spring and summer time. The front door that is tall and swings wide and seems to almost always be open, inviting in anyone and everyone. When you walk inside, it is a familiar and comforting and it feels like you’ve known it all your life. It is a place that is full of character, full of memories and laughter and tears and stories. It is full of rest and peace, and most importantly, love. It is home.
I have felt this feeling in a couple homes in my life, and each time this dream just jumps up and down in my heart.
Even more than just a place, home is also people; it is what makes those places feel like home. It is those people that when they hug you you know that everything will be alright. Their eyes are those open windows. Their ears and arms are that open door, and their heart is full of those things you find when you step into that home.
Just as in real life, with real homes, some people stay and come again and again. Othertimes people come for a season and then they continue on.
Honestly, I struggled with this for a long time. When it was time for people to leave, I thought it was a home issue; I thought my heart wasn’t good enough or that I had done something. This is the thing i’ve learned and continue to learn: it is okay. Sometimes people stay and that is absolutely wonderful. We are all on a journey and sometimes some people are only for a season, and that is okay. I am learning to look at each relationship and have gratitude. I am choosing to be thankful for the experience of their stay and cherish the ones who are here to stay for the long haul; the ones that are home to me. I am learning to have grace, to grieve, to forgive and to learn to steady myself, to steward my home (my heart) in a way that is healthy, sustainable, welcoming and true. I am learning to live in and ultimately love my own home.
I am able to take on this heart renovation because I have counted the cost and I understand — I now know this truth: I am loved and I am enough because Jesus is the cornerstone of this home and God is the builder. He is not on my time table — he goes brick by brick, stone by stone. He has the blue print and he knows the best way AND he wants that for me, for all of his people. He cares more about our hearts then just behavior modification and going through a checklist of to-do’s. He really is about Love and He truly is Love.
I embark on this renovation journey of my heart keeping my eyes fixed on him, and knowing that despite the renovations, the ones in my heart — my home team, my family, and this family here with me — will stick around.
Speaking of my family here, let me fill ya in on them because they are pretty great!!
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Our team name is Selah, which means a pause to praise before a big move.
I was so nervous going into this journey about what the relationships with the girls was going to look like…needless to say God blessed me big time. One of my biggest prayers was to be surrounded with people who got it, who were real and who felt like home amidst all the moving pieces around and within. I prayed that I could laugh everyday and have a joy that would rise above all the heaviness I know would be in the journey. I prayed for a team where we could all come in as ourselves and just do life together.
God Heard me, for sure.
Last week our team finished up sharing our stories. Hearing of the incredible journeys they have trekked to get here and the fights they have won, as well as the ones they lost and all they gained from it…its humbling and inspiring — makes me cry like a little babe! and they all giggle and now know that this is how I process every. single. emotion. lol.
I love these sweet moments when we get to share where we’ve been. It takes bravery to talk about it all, and to lay everything out. It feels like you’re jumping out of an airplane and you hope to God that the parachute on your back opens up to catch you and guide you back down to the ground. I was terrified to share my junk and also face things I had been shoving down from years ago to things from this year — one of the hardest years of my life — I was scared of how this would change things or if they would look at me different…Goodness I was worried for nothing! This team – this family – was all there and surrounded me in love. It was so incredible as we were able to be there for each as every one of us we jumped and we all caught each other and floated down. It was beautiful beyond words to have this type of love seen and experienced as a team and brought us closer. It created space for vulnerability, freedom, healing and allows each other in to love each other better.
I love the power of a story. Ive realized now more than ever how a story allows us the opportunity to look back and see that God is really always working in our lives. Even when we don’t see it or don’t invite him in, or when we’ve lost hope and given up on ourselves. He loves his kids that much that he walks every step with us. always.
We support each other in the depths as well as in the day to day and it is such a cool journey.
Boy do we laugh…oh my word my stomach cramps up so much that I attempt to scream because I cannot get enough air! We are all so laid back and chill. It is not in a lazy way, but in a way that is comforting because there is no pressure; it’s comfortable. These ladies are the real deal. Wow. They are so authentic and brave and true and they bring me to tears (I am a crybaby now more than ever, yikes!) with the wisdom and insight they have. They listen to me talk a lot about my home team and they laugh at the stories I tell them about all of you. They all laugh and mimic my Minnesota accent and they have been relentless in their mission to covert me to their southern ways…no way I am adding “y’all”to my vocab (sorry pals, still love ya).
We have become a place of rest and home for each other. Let me tell ya about these lovely crazy adventure family of mine:
Heather // H-Town, Heath-Hog, Heath Bar
This girl… she cracks me up! There has not been a day we have not laughed about something. She brings a wonderful joy and lightness to our family. Not only is she funny and light, but she is so wise and deep. Her poems blow me away and her perspective on life challenges us all. Heather sleeps between me and Hannah and her sleeping Pad always ends up diagonal and her stuff spills over her invisible lined area…its hilarious and very much her. Her facial expressions make me laugh and her smile is contagious! She is also a very active sleeper…lots of lifting of feet and slapping them down, moving side to side and her sleeping pad making noises that literally make me bust out laughing. Never a dull moment with her and I LOVE it.
Kenni // KG or Kenni G
This girl — she’s legit! Kenni loves with her whole heart. She is blooming and everyday I feel like I see another layer of her. Her and I look look at each other and know we are trying not to laugh at the exact same thing. Kenni and I are neighbors with our little sleeping areas. Kenni’s Pad also has a lot of character to say the least … calling it a sleeping pad seemed way to generous so we now all joke how she sleeps on a pool floatie.
Kenni has a heart so big and she inspires me with the way she loved God. Adventures to the coffee shop where we talk each others ears off is one of my favorite past times with her. This girl LOVES her copy-cat Oreos and is always down for snack time!
Sam // Ham-Sam
Haha Sams nickname is ironic because she is Vegan. She received this name from one of the little ones at the foster home we are at during the week and it has stuck. This girl also blows me away with her big ol’ heart. Her heart walks outside her body — children flock to her and stick to her. It is absolutely precious but it such a testimony to her heart. She is so gentle and genuinely kind to everyone she meets. She sees people and loves them just for who they are. Sam is slow to get angry and she is ready to pour out love to anyone. Sam is so humble and patient and inspires me to follow her in that; I love watching her shine!
She always laughs at my jokes and stories and Her hugs are also great 🙂 Watch out, this girl can hunt down vegan food and every day that she finds a score becomes “the best day ever” 🙂 she is a joy!
Caroline // Car or Caro
If she got a dollar for every time we have sung “Caroline” or “Sweet Caroline” to her she’d be rich! She still smiles and dances along every time we do though, which I love so much. Caroline is one of the logistics leaders for our squad and she absolutely crushes it. One of the things I love about her is how in everything she does she walks in grace and confidence and she has such poise. She leads with humbleness and love. She is special to me and our team and she is someone who also sees people and meets them there. She is so strong and brave and I love how true she is through and through. My deaf self can never hear her sweet soft spoken words, so whenever I say “what?” She laughs and says “nevermind”, I then tell her I “legit couldn’t hear you” and she attempts to repeat herself in between our laughs. Our sleeping pads are also in a straight line so when we both are laying down our feet sometimes touch and we both go wide or put our legs together, glance up and bust out at the awkward unintentional game of footsie. Lol, she really is sweet Caroline.
Hannah // nickname in process 😉
Hannah is a gem! She has such presence about her and she really loves. One morning I was just bumming and we were sitting together on the couch. After everyone had got up and headed to breakfast we just sat there, and without saying a word, she just rested her head on my shoulder…this tugged on my heart strings! It was like she just knew. Hannah is so sweet and I love her sassy spunk that makes an appearance every once in awhile. I love when she laughs because it is so light and happy. She also puts up with the other girls’ and I’s craziness and she keeps her calm and is steady. She is also wise and I love when she shares. She is starting to step out and own her place of belonging on this team and I love watching her grow.
Lily // nickname in process 😉
Lily is a boss in many ways. She has a presence about her the draws literally everyone in. Anytime we go anywhere, lily stops or is stopped by someone to chat. Her smile radiates joy and love and people she that in her. She is so strong and so brave. She has the heart of an adventurer. Her photography and videography skills are legit and she has such an eye. This girl is a fight and despite many hard battles, she has risen and is learning to run into wide open spaces and find freedom; is inspiring and beautiful. Lily has such a free spirit and her and I love to geek out one moment and then laugh the next. Yesterday we were losing our minds while sitting in the government building getting our visas extended…not a good time but you know how it is when you know you can’t or should be laughing and it makes it that much harder! She loves hard and wide and I’m so proud of her for her fight.
Emma // Em Dog
Our fearless leader. Wow does this woman lead a life of love. Emma has been such a blessing and a rock to our team. She leads the way in total dependence on God and in humility. She speaks the truth in love and challenges us in ways that build us up and make us hungry to be better. She leads us in a way that is like a friend or older sister, but with the perfect balance where we all also respect her and look to her. She knows the good throwback songs and is always game for a dance party. She cares about the little things and celebrates them with us. She is so artistic. She loves deeply and cares about us all; she fights for us everyday. She also cracks me up and keeps me calm with her steadiness. We also don’t bring up the fact that she heads back the the states in December because she’s amazing and we love her so much…but we are also very excited for her and the next adventure ahead of her
Some Sweet Moments in Thailand last month:
- Trips to the coffee shop – of course! * my recent obsessions is mint latte…WOW
- 7/11 or “Big C” for snacks, especially the copy-cat Oreos 🙂
- Real talks at the 24 hour laundry mat
- Our surprise party for Care complete with new and different Thai snacks, a dance party to fave throwbacks and ending the night with Car’s favorite movie (Bohemian Rhapsody) playing on the wall by the mini projector we borrowed from the hostel
- Heathers “conspiracy”/Reality TV” series that she is so passionate about … its hysterical
- Team times at night
- Rooftop watercolor painting session
- Night market adventures
- Hanging out with Pparis and having Chai Tea and Baba Ghanoush
- Going to the movies and seeing “Peanut Butter Falcon”
- Rides in the Songthaew
- our days at ministry
Community is so powerful. It has its pretty parts and not so pretty parts. I am so thankful for this community around me. This team never ceases to blow me away. We are a family. We have seen the pretty shining and graceful moments, the wins and the highlights. We have also seen the morning bed head, PMS-ing, bad day, hangry, sleep deprived, and the hard moments of unpacking the parts of our hearts we’ve stuffed deep and away and tried to medicate and burry. We are learning to fight for each other and for us as a team family. The harmony of both makes this journey all the more special and beautiful and sweet. Community is so so important.
It is powerful.
It is very hard.
It is freeing.
It is home.
As always,
Hugs and Love
Ave
Ham Sam 🙂
Emma 🙂
Laundry Night !
Caroline’s Surprise Party with these weird jello cups
Miss Hannah 🙂
sweet Caroline 🙂
sneak peaks from the foster home
lily 🙂
Kenni Grace 🙂
H-Town 🙂
