Well, many of you know that I am now back in the States. Due to the coronavirus AIM decided it was best to pull all the squads home. It all happened so quickly. We had been in Romania for about 2 weeks and then day after day things started to escalate. It wasn’t until late one night that we found out. I woke up to an email saying we were going home. I was filled with so many emotions. I remember walking outside and feeling the cold air and I just started weeping. The last 8 months were about to end and it wasn’t how I had wanted it to happen. I didn’t feel like I was ready to be done. I didn’t have time to process the last 8 months – let alone the chaos that I would soon find myself in back home. It seemed too overwhelming. I realized in that moment how fast things go by. 8 months went by far too quickly.
After finding out we’d be coming home, it seems like a blur. We met up with the other teams and spent our last few days together. We laughed, cried, prayed, worshipped and just tried to soak in as much as we could. The thought of leaving my people was heart breaking. I had been living in this healthy community where I was consistently shown God’s love. To leave that was going to be hard. Luckily it wasn’t final goodbyes— but just a see ya later.
Soon enough, it was was 6am and it was time to load the van and head to the airport. It was going to be our last travel day. The last time I’d back up my big pack and slide it around an airport. It was the last time I’d be surrounded by 30 of my best friends on an airplane. It was the last time for a lot of things.
I remember getting on the flights and feeling mentally and physically exhausted. A lot had been happening. We flew from Bucharest to London and immediately got on our next flight to JFK. We arrived to JFK at 11pm and had a few hotel rooms until we could get our own flights to our cities. My flight was set to leave at 6am so I had enough time to shower and say my final goodbyes. I remember the hugs and tears that were shed. The shuttle to the airport was filled with the hardest goodbye and one last hug. I got off at my terminal and dragged my pack one last time. My stomach was turned in knots. I waited for my flight to Atlanta and then the last one to Birmingham. The emotion I was feeling was the sadness of leaving my squad but also the nervousness and happiness of seeing my family. I remember getting off the plane and taking the escalator down to baggage. I saw them from a distance and kaity instantly burst into tears- as did I. 8 months of being apart and there she was. My best friend. We hugged and cried, A LOT. I hugged my mom and dad and instantly felt calm and safe. I got home and saw many of my closest friends and family. It felt like I was gone a week. It was a crazy feeling. Almost like the last 8 months were a dream.
I’ve been home for about 1 day now and the feelings are all there. I’ve cried more often than not. I am processing not only the last 8 months but also all the chaos going on in the world right now. Coming back was hard. Really hard. Not finishing the last 3 months of the race was devastating BUT I know God is in control. He knew this was going to happen long before we did. He knew I would be home at this time. He is showing me all the blessings that come with all the pain. He is showing me more of Him in the pain. My race isn’t over. It’s just different than how I had imagined. Our race doesn’t end until we are with the one who created it.
Being home is going to take time. I ask that you bare with me as I get back in the groove of things. I’ve grown and experienced things that have changed my life. I want to share it all with you but I also need some time to process through it all. I appreciate all the prayers, love, and support these last 8 months! I love you all.
