Cold showers
Low budgets
Sharing clothes
Lack of sleep
Saying goodbye
Being flexible
Many more
But there’s one thing that I know I wasn’t ready for. Being the one who is staying behind while the people that you have loved on so deeply leave. This week I’ve had to say goodbye to some of the most wonderful people in the world.
Camp week was amazing and I loved every part of it, but you know that feeling you get when you know that you have to do something hard but you just don’t want to do it? That was the feeling I carried all week. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed every part of camp, from teaching about Jesus, making crafts, and learning fun dances, but no matter what I did that feeling always came up.
I’m used to being the one who goes all over the world sharing Gods love and bringing light to those in darkness, but then I leave and the ones that I became so close to stay. But this week has been different because I had to say goodbye to precious girls as they went home and now I was the one staying behind. It’s not a feeling like a camp counselor would feel because groups come and go in a few days, but I’ve been doing life with these girls for over a month now and their way of living has become my way of living. These girls served me with the most gentle hearts and spoke truth into me with the most gracious words. They had become my friends and sisters and now it was time for them to go.
But there’s something else that added to this pain. The understanding for me that the girls truly have a better life here at Sending Hope than they do when they go home and that there’s nothing I can do to fix that. So having all of theses emotions resulted in a very rough couple of days. They had made such an impact on my life that the least I could for them is love them wholeheartedly. I had grown to love strangers so deeply that I wanted to protect them at all cost.
My emotions of anger, sadness, and loneliness physically brought me to my knees in our last night of worship. I looked around the room and saw all of the girls that I loved so deeply worshiping the one who protects and knows all they had coming their way…and I couldn’t help but cry. Because I realize that Peace (the leader of Sending of Hope) and those who work at Sending Hope know and understand these exact emotions and that they have equipped the girls with everything they need to be strong and bold in their faith while they are home. God has made this place a safe haven for theses girls and who am I to try to hold them back from changing their villages with the truths they have been taught about the God that loves them enough to send Jesus. My girls have so much knowledge of the goodness of a perfect father that they can say
“O U R G O D is greater,
O U R G O D is stronger,
God You are higher than any other
O U R G O D is healer
Awesome in power,
O U R G O D”
And they truly believe it. It’s not just words of a song to them… it’s who their God really is.
In the moment of singing praises to OUR GOD the Lord whispered in the softest voice to my ears, “it’s okay for them to leave because I’ve got them….. and AL I’ve got you”.
God knew that I was going to struggle with staying behind while my mission left (because truthfully my mission is where ever I am not just if the girls are here or not). He knew way before I got to Thailand that the girls would be leaving earlier than we thought, and He knew that I was going to be upset, and He still showed me His goodness through His soft voice saying in my time of sorrow, “I’ve got them and I’ve got you”. It makes me speechless because the same God who created air that I’m breathing chooses to hold those girls and me so close.
I still don’t like being the one who stays behind but I know that the Lord has great things prepared for my last couple of weeks here in Thailand and I can’t wait to see where they lead. Easter is this week and I’m so excited to take time in another part of the world to remember the greatest sacrifice that Jesus did so that I could be a missionary.
