“I placed the sand as a boundary for the sea, a perpetual barrier that it cannot pass; though the waves toss, they cannot prevail; though they roar, they cannot pass over it.” Jeremiah 5:22
1,095 days. In some ways that feels like yesterday, and in others it feels like a lifetime. That’s how long it’s been since my mom left this world and entered into the arms of Jesus.
For the last two years, I’ve watched the sunrise over the ocean on this day. Partly because Mom loved the beach and it’s a way to feel closer to her, but mostly because I can’t stand by the ocean without recognizing how small I am, and just how big God is. I can’t watch the waves crash without being amazed by God’s power, that even they must obey Him. I can’t look at the sand and not be in awe that He knows exactly how many grains there are. I can’t watch the colors of the sunrise and not delight in His beauty. So, I go to the beach. I wasn’t sure what that would look like this year being away from home, not even knowing what country I would be in, but last year during this time, I imagined where I’d be, and hoped that maybe I would still be able to find a beach. And guess what. This month, I am in Antofagasta, Chile…just off the shore and less than a mile walk to the ocean. And I can’t believe that I am here by coincidence. God knows my heart, and He is just that sweet and kind that He put me by the ocean because He knew it was special to me. So, I got to go to the beach, and to make it even sweeter, there were tons of perfect little seashells that Mom would’ve been collecting if she were here. Not only did I have the ocean in front of me, but I also had mountains behind me, further reminding me of my weakness and God’s strength.
Music often speaks to my heart, and sometimes random songs pop into my head that I haven’t heard in years, or I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a song stuck in my head that I have no clue where it came from…but this year I’ve learned that this is a way that God speaks to my heart, and the song that got stuck in my head this time was I could sing of your love forever, but I couldn’t remember all of the lyrics, so later I looked them up, and it begins like this…
Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
And I will open up my heart and let the healer set me free.
I’m happy to be in the truth,
And I will daily lift my hands,
For I will always sing of when your love came down.
And again, I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that I am literally surrounded by the mountains and the sea right now, and I am just overwhelmed by how much God loves me. But this is something I’m learning, too…how to let God love me, and to let others love me. My team woke up way earlier than they had to (after staying up too late playing murder in the dark) just to sit with me on the beach. They cut out and colored a bunch of butterflies and hung them on the wall above my bed. They asked lots of questions and just listened as I told them about Mom, letting me laugh and cry with them. They ate ice cream with me and they prayed for me. I thought that living in community like this would be one of the hardest parts of this year, but turns out it’s been one of the sweetest things and definitely what I’m going to miss the most in just a few months. And as we’re meeting people in the body of Christ from around the world, worshiping together, encouraging each other, laughing together, praying for one another, I can’t help but feel this is just a tiny glimpse of heaven…how sweet it will be to do these very things together, in the presence of Jesus, and there won’t be a goodbye or tears or hurt or pain. Bah, I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait.
