Let me tell you a story. I’m in the middle of a gorgeous state park in Pennsylvania. The trees sway in the mountain breeze, leaves filtering the bright summer sun. The Mountain Laurel is in full bloom, covering the mountainside in a sea of white. I can see the glittering blue of the Kinzua lake far below from my high vantage point. Terror has struck me, its ugly effects contrasting with the amazing scenery around me. You see I’m standing on a rock that just so happens to drop off about 80 feet and I am working myself up to walking right off the edge. Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to get myself back on solid earth and away from the inevitable death mere inches away. I guess that I should mention that I am strapped into a harness and ropes. I have done this before as well. Several times in fact. I’ve gone rock rappelling every year for the past six years. I love it, being an adrenaline junkie. Most people think it’s insane and they are probably right. But even though I have done it before and even though I know nothing bad will happen, the fear still gets me every time. I know my belayer- the person on the ground- can stop my descent if anything goes wrong and I won’t fall. I also know that the ropes that I’m putting my faith into can hold a pickup truck that weighs considerably more than me. And I also know that the reward and satisfaction of going over the ledge will be worth all the fear that I am feeling now. I step off the ledge, over the side and hang in the air taking in the breathtaking views all around me. Wonder replaces my fear as I sway amongst the trees, my heart fluttering with excitement.
Now fast forward to 2018. I was hanging out with my roommate and my mom and all of a sudden, I start balling. I was thinking about the nine months that I will be away in different countries, all the money that I must raise before next year, the thought that I’d have no idea what I would be doing, or even what I’d do when I got back. All this, looking back, is nothing I should have been worrying about. But I was scared. As I explained all that was going on through my head, my mother said to me, “Remember when you rock rappel? You know the moment just before you go off the edge as you are walking up to the ledge and you feel that fear in your gut? That’s where you are right now. But I know, you know what happens next. It’s the first leap into something amazing and life-changing. It’s okay to be afraid now, but don’t let that fear stop you.”
And as I thought about this, all my fear started to subside. And I knew, something life-changing is coming. And I’m really excited for it.
