I know it’s been a while since I last wrote a blog. Believe me, I’ve wanted to. I’ve opened the Notes on my phone and tried to write about India. But I just couldn’t. I haven’t fully processed my time there. It may take me a while to be able to write that blog. Asia has been the toughest place on the Race so far. There are so many spiritual strongholds here that I’ve been blind to. Every day I pass golden statues that people pray to. Every day I unknowingly pass restaurants where women are trapped in sex trafficking. Every day I meet people who are oppressed. All while having every physical comfort taken from me. And I have struggled. Yes, I signed up for this. But I didn’t know this is what I signed up for.
What blows my mind is that Jesus *knew* what He signed up for. He saw me in all my sin and shame and brokenness and He chose to suffer on the cross. He let his flesh be torn from his body. He, being fully God, endured sorrow and being mocked, being homeless, being completely disregarded…for me. For you. For the Indian and Nepali people. When I think of that, my eyes immediately tear up. What I have experienced as “suffering” pales in comparison to what Christ did for the world. I’ve complained over sleeping on the floor and taking cold bucket showers. I’ve cried over being stuck in a room for 10 hours a day. I’ve felt bitterness over having my desires and my choices taken from me. And somehow I’ve patted myself on the back for pushing through. When in reality, I haven’t even scratched the surface of what it looks like to love like Christ does. To endure suffering for the sake of the Kingdom. When I begin to beat myself up for not counting the trials as joy, God reminds me that He loves me just as I am. That He knows I won’t pass every test. That my flesh will fail me. That my heart will fail. But that HE is my strength. This journey isn’t about me at all. These 11 months and the rest of my life are about loving people when I can’t. When my heart has nothing to give- that’s when Jesus shines.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
??Psalms? ?73:26? ?
The last 2 months haven’t been easy. And the next 3 probably won’t be either. God never told me this would be easy. He only told me He’d go with me. Maybe you feel the same way I have. That you have nothing left to give. I pray that you would hear God whisper that He’s got you. He can and will work through you when you’re at the end of yourself. You just have to accept what He’s already given you. Jesus has already given me freedom, and joy, and light in the darkness. He has never left me. I just took my eyes off of him and focused on the circumstances in front of me. Your circumstances and emotions are REAL. But they are not truth. When we refocus our minds and hearts back on His truth…that’s when we can stand. That’s when we get back up and go to battle. Without His truth- this world and the enemy who controls it will beat us down. So even though Asia is kicking my butt, I press on. I press on because I know God is worth it. Though my flesh and heart may fail, HE is my strength and portion forever.
