Matthew 20:26: “NOT SO WITH YOU.” these words have come to mean more to me than I could have ever imagined.
When Jesus first brought the World Race to my attention I was ecstatic! I was filled with passion and joy! I was RUNNING after Jesus! Jumping off of every ledge and over every barrier standing in my way! World Race was what I wanted! It was what Jesus wanted! I held fast to Jeremiah 29:11 and was fearless in my pursuit because this is the plan that I undoubtedly knew Jesus had for me. I had gone through the instagram stalking and the late night vlog watching! I was in what I call “the honeymoon stage” with the World Race. I was so so so ready… until I applied, got accepted, & and was told that this was happening. And all at once, I wasn’t so ready.
I became overwhelmed. When I got the call saying that I was accepted, I stopped dead in my tracks and I came to a screeching halt. I realized that, yes, going on the World Race meant traveling the world, loving on brothers and sisters across the nation, and falling IN LOVE with the world that Jesus hand crafted….. But for the first time I realized, that going on the World Race also meant missing a year of my families lives, and being a year behind my graduating class in college. It meant coming back home and things being different from how I left them, and I had to raise over $16,600. It meant spending Christmas in Ethiopia, and facetime becoming my closest tie to home. I realized, it meant no Dad hugs, baby sister snuggles, or family nerf gun wars… It meant an entire year behind where I am “supposed to be” in school… the World Race meant 9 months away from the people and home I love so desperately. I took 5 very very large steps back. I was no longer chasing after this trip with a pep in my step and a fire in my soul… I was running the other direction in fear.
During this state of fear and isolation Jesus brought me to the well. I went to church and God gave me the reassurance that I needed to send me on this nine month trip around the globe. During the sermon my pastor talked about what it looked like to live your life for Jesus. He began to explain the story i’ve heard many times in church, the story of the mother of James and John asking Jesus to put her two sons at the right and left hand of Jesus. Jesus pulled James and John aside and said
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
This was a story I have heard many times before… but this time, the words “not so with you” sent shivers down my spine. I felt Jesus calling me into his back room and saying to me… “Lana, I understand that this world tells you to go one way and only one way. That taking an entire year off from school is worrisome, and spending nine months away from the comfort of your home isn’t ideal. That raising $16,600 is unrealistic, and choosing to follow me with reckless abandon isn’t the smartest way to go. I understand the way that this world is going, and why you feel like you need to follow the crowd… I understand.” I felt as if Jesus was gently holding my face in his hands, softly shaking his head, saying. “Lan, Not so with you. choose, to live different. I have something better for you.” & I know now… he did. he does. i’m choosing something different.
So… This phrase, is the reason I am going on this trip. Jesus has called me to live different. He has told me he has something better for me. He has gently held me face in his hands and said … not so with you.
