I’m up late tonight, and my heart is beating harder than usual. Sleep isn’t coming easily at all. That could be because of the cup of coffee i had at 8 pm. In fact I’m sure that has something to do with it. But there is without a doubt something else going on under the surface tonight: anticipation.
I think it’s finally starting to sink in that in a couple of days I’ll be leaving everything about my life that feels normal and stepping into the unknown. I’ll be trading a bed for a sleeping bag, a closet for a backpack, a house for a tent, and my normal interactions with my family and friends for a new set of friends that will likely become family. Yes…I’ve known this was coming for a while. No…there’s not really been any way for me to really feel prepared. I’m a mixture of excitement, nervousness, and curiosity, and I’m sure that most of my expectations, about what a year away from my “normal” will be like, are probably off by a mile.
I have just a few more days before hopping on a plane that will take me to an airport somewhere in China, and then hopping on another plane that will take me and my team to some location in Cambodia. I think I have almost everything I need packed, and I’m sure i’ve packed some things I won’t end up needing at all. There are so many details involved and I know there’s no way for me to be fully prepared for what’s about to happen.
I’m simultaneously clinging to what’s normal, while also feeling eager for a new experience. But that’s pretty much how I always operate. During this whole transition, it’s been hard for me to imagine leaving the things that have been staples in my life for the past several years. The idea of entering into a new reality with so many unknowns is daunting. But if I’m honest with myself, seasons like these are always the seasons of life that I point back to as moments God’s activity in my life seems most clear.
Almost every “normal” that I’ve experienced, and had a hard time leaving in my life, were created by a season of leaving, of change, of new relationships, and new challenges. It’s happened enough times in my life now that I’ve almost learned to welcome seasons of transition, even seasons of restlessness that move me toward transition, because I’ve learned that God is usually in that restlessness and those transitions prepping me for a new season of growth and new experiences of his goodness. So as I sit in bed, wondering when sleep will come, I can’t help but let my imagination run wild a little bit, wondering what God is going to do with this season of change.
If you would have asked me 8 years ago if I thought I would end up in a town like Amarillo doing youth ministry, I probably would have laughed at you. I had other grand plans of things I thought I wanted to do. But God used that place and those people to bless and form me, and I left Amarillo knowing that all of my experiences there played a role in shaping me. God has a way of using unexpected experiences to shape us into people who can partner more fully with him in his kingdom work. He definitely used Amarillo in this way in my life, and I have no doubt that every unexpected thing I experience this year will be part of God creating a new normal in my life.
If you want to pray for me over the next several days, pray that I’ll be fully present. Pray that I’ll be emotionally present with my team and transparent enough to form good relationships. Pray that I’ll be present enough in my relationship with God to listen to his voice and discern his movements in my life. Pray that I’ll be present enough to soak in the places, the cultures, and the experiences that I’m going to come across during the next several days and during the full 11 months. Pray that I’ll be able to embrace a new normal. And pray that I’ll be able to trust the God of newness.
“Look, I am making everything new! Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.”
-Revelation 21:5 (NLT)
Oh…And I want to make this blog a little more interactive, so a couple of questions for anyone who might read this (Respond to one or each in the comment section if you’re up for it! I’d love to hear from you):
1. How do you generally do with change?
2. What are some things that you do to transition well in new seasons of life?
3. What are some things that you do to practice being fully present where you are?
If you read this far! Thanks for joining me on this journey. Posts are about to become much more frequent, so I hope you’ll stick with me and be a conversation partner with me! I’m already missing all of my people, so I’d love to hear from any of you who are willing to interact with my blog posts! Thanks so much for your prayers and support!
