Last time I came to India I went to Goa, India. In 2016, I went as an accompanist for an all women’s chorus with over 25 people. This time around, my experience was quite different. Goa was more tourist-y, on a beach, and more city-like, whereas where I went this time, it was more of what I imagined India to be: free, open, hospitable, very cultural, and heavily populated.
Living sitch during my time there:
- Bucket showers.
- Using a well to get our water. Water for washing hands, showering, washing dishes, washing clothes.
- Living in a house with no A/C.
- Finding lizards at any point, anywhere, is normal.
- Weather has been in the 100s; it is the hottest month of the year for them. Perfect timing on our part.
- We wear kurtas and scarves here. Whenever we are at services, we wear the scarves over our heads for prayer; it is a symbolism of showing reverence towards God.
- I got myself a crown while here in India. A tooth crown, that is.
- Oh, and how can I forget… squatty potties, here for the win. Yup, sometimes those getgo’s just chill and watch.
- The food here is spicy and quite delicious. It is definitely hilarious when we eat in the villages and the cooks make spicy food. We eat sitting criss-cross style, with our left hands, our noses running, and sweat dripping everywhere. Sometimes even in the dark because the power here likes to turn off and on whenever it wants.
- If you didn’t already know, 85% of Indians are Hindu. 2% are Christians. The rest Islam and other (13%). We hear the call to prayer 5 times a day for muslims. The villages we have gone to are mostly Hindu, other than the small Christian communities that are currently there to reach the unreached.
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“What if He doesn’t do a miracle?”
I am going to share with you what has been stirring in my heart and mind these past few months.
But, first, I would like to share with you part of my cousin’s, David Bangean, story.
Many of you know, although some might not yet, but last year David and I and a couple of our youth friends went to Atlanta, Georgia to go and visit some of our friends from the Romanian community. We met early Saturday morning at the Kroger gas station at Glenbrook in Hendersonville… with the intent on coming home Sunday evening before Monday schedules resumed.
We got to ATL safely, spent time with some of the youth in the city, and then later on that night headed to the park to go to volleyball. You know, Romanians love their volleyball. One of my friends, who welcomed me to stay the night with her family, came and picked me up relatively soon after our arrival at the park. So, I said goodbye to David and the other Tennesseans. “I’ll see you all at church in the morning,” I said. Little did I know that we would be one short that next morning.
I woke up Sunday morning to countless messages and calls on my phone asking how David was. I was so confused and instantly felt a heaviness in my heart and just began to pray for him. While trying to get in touch with people that were at volleyball to figure out what was happening, or what had happened, I got ready for church. Eventually, one of the guys from my church informed me what had happened last night. Well, with as much as he was told himself. What had happened was: later on that night Saturday night, David had a rare stroke.
That weekend, David couldn’t come back home with us. He was in the hospital for weeks. He ended up having to stay at a rehab center for a few (how many?) months in Georgia. I would go visit as often as I could, traveling back and forth from Nashville to ATL, just so he would have a familiar face around and know that he was not alone and he had people praying for him. Doctors informed the family that he will be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life, as well as not be able to breath on his own. We prayed and still pray for him and believe God is the God of miracles. Since then, every time I pass by that gas station next to Kroger, I am reminded of David and I am reminded of how quickly life can change at any moment. We aren’t in control of anything. God is. He is in control.
After David had his stroke, the body of Christ would constantly pray with faith, believing God can heal and David could walk and breath again on his own. God can do anything, right? It says so in His Word. God is a good God, right? It says so in His Word. He has the power to raise people from the dead, right? It says so in His Word. He has the ability to completely heal David at any moment, right? I believe, yes.
Still.
Nothing.
Weeks went by. Months went by. And now, it’s been almost a year and a half since it took place.
I tell you this testimony because it had quite an impact on why I chose to do the World Race.
This began a stirring in my mind, in my heart, in my soul. A stirring of questioning God and why sometimes He chooses to heal people, and sometimes He doesn’t. Based on my past experiences of witnessing miraculous healings, or lack thereof, it seemed like He didn’t heal. Ever.
I began to ask question God about many things.
“God, why don’t You heal? Why don’t You reveal Your supernatural power to Your children? In Matthew Jesus says that ‘all authority in heaven and on earth has been given unto me.’ And because I walk with Jesus, I have authority to cast out demons, to heal, to be used in supernatural ways… so God, why don’t You use me? Why haven’t I ever witnessed You working in these ways in my own life?”
I want to be Your apostle. Your disciple. Your child who walks in the authority You have given me through the blood of Jesus.
The depths of my soul believes that you have the power to do anything, anytime. “With God, all things are possible.”
Coming on this Race, I told God, “I am all in. I want You to use me, I want You to show me more of who You are, I want You to do miraculous things, I want You to show me the impossible because I fully believe You can do the impossible. It says so in Your Word.”
(Not that I couldn’t experience this in America, because God is able to anything, anywhere, we just need to be willing and obedient to His Spirit.)
So. These past months, I went all in. When I sensed the Spirit asking me to do something, I did it. Even if I would look like a fool; because in the end, I need to be willing to look like a fool for my God, because the world doesn’t understand the things that I do for the God that I serve. And the world hates light. And I walk in that Light. So, any time I encountered people I could pray for that needed healing in any way: spiritually, physically, mentally, I was there. I prayed for what seemed like countless sick, ill, thirsty for God, people. Yet… “God, why haven’t You shown me something supernatural? Why didn’t you heal that man we prayed for Saturday, growing his leg back in that moment? God, don’t You want to heal?”
Month 1. Nothing.
Month 2. Nothing.
Month 3. Nothing.
Month 4. Nothing. YET.
This isn’t to say God isn’t working. He is. I believe every prayer spoken, every request asked, that He is working. In one way or another. Maybe our eyes can’t physically see, but God works.
I ran across the story of Jesus and Thomas in John 20.
Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
…Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29.
This doesn’t mean I stop praying for people. This doesn’t mean I don’t obey when the Spirit leads. I believe the prayers that have been spoken have impacted lives, changed lives, and even healing happened. In the end, God is the one who transforms and grows the seeds; He just uses me to plant them. I am here to be His faithful servant. Even when I don’t see it with my own two eyes. Even if it seems like nothing is happening.
God is growing something in me. He is teaching me how to listen. How to obey. How to distinguish His voice from mine. He is teaching me what it means to be faithful to Him. What it means to be a fool for Christ and not care what others think. He is teaching me how to live more like Jesus. How to walk with Him. How to live in His Spirit.
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And something about all of this only makes me even MORE on fire to see miracles happen. To continue pressing into God. To continue being faithful.
Why, you might ask?
God is sovereign. God is in control. He is worthy of all praise. I am His vessel. I am His daughter. I am His child. I have eternal security because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross for me. And for you. And, even if I go the rest of my life without seeing a miracle, Jesus tells me in His Word, “Blessed are you who has not seen yet still believes.”
Oh, how my soul longs to hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
It is quite fitting because this past month I have been reading the books of Acts. Reading all the ways that God used Paul and His apostles in such miraculous ways. Even Peter’s shadow healed those that were there. This is the kind of fullness of the Spirit I want to walk in myself for God and for His Kingdom.
I am still going strong. In my weakness, He is made strong. Even ’til death. I am all in. All in for His Kingdom. All in for His glory. Here I am, Father, do with me what You wish. Open my eyes, open my ears, open my mind, open my heart. Create in me a clean heart. Tune my heart to Yours. Teach me Your ways. Let my life give You the glory.
Soli Deo Gloria
