I can say that now, I just turned 30. I had been dreading turning 30 for so long but now I’m celebrating that God has given me 30 precious years with him and He has radically changed my life and I am blessed to have this opportunity to share a little bit of it with you.
Like a lot of women, I always dreamed about being a wife and a mom. How can I not, what an incredible opportunity to live out the love of the Father daily. I have been praying for my husband and children and even grandchildren since I was very young. Although these are great things that I so deeply desire, I expected them to have moved from a dream to a reality by now. The thing is, God is never in a rushand I am so glad he isn’t because the person I was even at 25 is not the person I am today. The truth about coming on the world race is that, after I kept praying specific prayers and God kept answering them and making obvious ways for me, there was one thing holding me back; I had to push back the possibility for these desires. I almost did not come because I was afraid to have to wait longer. God kept tugging on my heart and helped me see that by allowing that to be the only thing holding me back meant I was desiring a family more than I was desiring Him. I decided I wanted to desire God more than anything else because He is the only thing that can ever truly satisfy my longings. This isn’t a one and done thing, I have to daily choose to pick Him and I don’t always choose Him but I can say life is way more enjoyable and meaningful when I do. And when those blessings do come some day, He is still deserving of all my desire.
God gives us SO MUCh more than we can ask or imagine. We cannot limit him.So one thing I learned in my 20s is that God WANTS to give me those desires and I cannot dictate when or how they come. He knows I love children and so he has given me endless opportunities to be “like a mom” to so many kids. He let me be a mentor to a few girls during times in their lives where they really needed someone consistent. One of those girls messages me often telling me she is praying for me while I am on the race. I got to meet a whole bunch of kids on a snow day in 2013 in the neighborhood I was living in which started daily greetings up the driveway, homework sessions, bible lessons, pizza nights and always a dance party in my tiny living room. I got to take one to his school math night. One girl would come up to my house to cry on my shoulder about whatever was upsetting her and she also let me cry on hers when I was going through a break up or work was getting the best of me and she always made certain my hair looked decent. I still get to see some of these kids and drive them around town in “Club C15” where they get to be the DJ. I got to colead a small group last year for 8th and 9th grade girls and they all impacted me so much more than I ever thought possible. They brought so much joy to my day when I got to see or talk to one of them. They show me what encouraging others and staying connected looks like even while I’m on the race. God also trusted me with several of my own students who I got to cheer on in the classroom, many on their sports teams, and one at her birthday parties and at the hospital when her baby sister was born. He also connected me with 2 of my students older sister and now I get to see her heart grow more for Jesus.
That is a whole butt load of blessings if you ask me and the list could keep going. I don’t say all this to praise myself.
What I do mean to say is that if we focus so much on the deep desires we are longing for and expecting them to come a certain way we are going to miss the way he wants to meet those desires right now. I may not have my own family but he has trusted me with so many more of his children then I ever could have imagined. He knows what brings us joy. He knows our hearts desires and we cannot dictate how and when he gives them to us. Don’t waste as much time as I did before noticing that he delights in giving you your desires and he is doing it right now. Quiet down the complaints and you’ll start to see the delights in THIS season.
Something else I just recently learned is that I have gifts. I have gifts people! I have been limiting what I thought gifts should look like. I like to sing, use to play instruments, played every sport, but I most definitely am not gifted in those areas. I don’t specifically have the spiritual gifts that churches define either but what God has been showing me is that I still have gifts. He gave me an abundance of Joy, love, compassion and passion for all sorts of people. Heck yeah!! I’ll take those gifts. He has been reminding me that he gave me those gifts to give them away not to hoard for myself. When we pour out, he continues to refuel us like daily mana. What gifts has the lord given you that you may not have noticed? How can you be giving them away?
If you forget who you are suppose to be, let me rephrase that if you forget who you are, look at Jesus, if you made the most important and best decision you could ever make; which is to give your life to him, then he is standing in your place and that is who you are.
I spent a lot of time in my 20s feeling like I had to earn God’s love and favor without even realizing it. Now I know in my heart that his love is unconditional and unchanging; unlike mine, and all he has ever wanted is my heart. He is after my heart not my actions.He wants me to serve others with him not for him.I had it all wrong. It is so important for that truth to make it’s way down from your head to your heart. Building your identity in the foundation of Christ will change your life forever like it has mine. When he is at your foundation you will realize that nothing or no one can change that. Ahhh what a relief!!!
So recognize the ways God is already giving you the desires of your heart. Know God has given you unique gifts, find what they are, believe you have them and then give them away. Believe you are loved unconditionally regardless on how much you mess up.
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or want to know more, please message me.
