Fight or flight. Natural human responses to fear inducing situations. In a life or death situation, being able to react quickly and make fast decisions is very important. The human brain is designed with areas that release adrenaline and other hormones to enable the body to have increased fear response, it’s called survival mode. It’s life saving sometimes, but it’s not sustainable. Living in a state of survival mode would exhaust the body, mind and muscle; we simply can’t keep up living in a state of fear.
I didn’t realize how much of my life had been lived in “survival mode”. It permeated my relationships, mainly my relationship with God.
I lived a huge portion of my life in fear. Fear of dark, death, pain, unknown, abandonment, losing people, being lost, making mistakes, not being loved.
My fear was evident in all of my relationships. I never felt like myself because I was so fearful that who I was wasn’t good enough, so I made myself who I thought the people around me wanted. Instead of finding the security and love I really wanted, I found myself never feeling like I could make everyone happy. I was filled with anxiety as the dozens of people I tried to be took over any idea of me knowing who I really was.
My idea of God was that I had to prove myself worthy of His attention. That if I was good enough, at least He wouldn’t be disgusted by me. I never thought that God would love me, I didn’t think I could be good enough for that. I lived in survival mode with Him. Constantly aware of what I was doing, keeping my mental tally of good things and bad things, praying for forgiveness constantly because I was afraid of forgetting something and being thrown into the list “doomed for hell”. It’s not sustainable. It was only a matter of time before I decided to give up the whole idea of trying to be perfect and instead live under an overwhelming blanket of shame. Instead of trying to be good, I did what I wanted and just told myself I shouldn’t expect any more from myself because I was a terrible person anyway.
That was my identity for too long, and I’ve seen it be the identity of too many people around me. The idea that I was terrible, I didn’t deserve love, I didn’t deserve forgiveness, I would never be able to do enough to earn value. I told myself those lies so much they took root. I didn’t let people know the real me, because I thought the “real” me was disgusting.
It took me a really long time (and a lot of patient people) to help me grasp the truth of grace, and the truth of my identity. When something is rooted, it doesn’t come up easy.
I remember the first time I heard someone tell me that God loved me because of who He is, and not based off anything I’d done. I think my jaw hit the floor. It was inconceivable, it was opposite of everything I’d believed. The God that had been preached to me was a judge who wanted to smite me off the face of the earth. The God that I heard about that day was in love with me, and would follow me into the darkest, nastiest places to get me out. And the kicker was- it wasn’t based on my manipulation!! I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone, follow a certain formula and perform a certain way to get Him to notice me! He wanted me before I was even created. He made me out of love, that’s the biggest part of my REAL identity.
L O V E > F E A R
How do we break the cycle of living in “survival mode”? We take away it’s cause: fear. This verse shook me up, I’m pretty sure I’ve read it a few times without letting the meaning sink in. Since I’ve felt it’s meaning I’ve read it hundreds of times. It’s the truth that pulled me out of my crap and set my mind right.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John? ?4:18? ?
One more time.
There is no fear in love. Because fear has to do with punishment (hello my life’s story!). So the one who fears does not believe they are loved.
Just one more time.
When we know we are loved, we aren’t afraid of being punished.
So how do we know we’re loved? I got you don’t worry.
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” ??1 John? ?4:10
In case you didn’t catch that, God loved us first. Not based of anything except that it’s His CHARACTER.
Imma break this down real quick.
You = loved -> God = love -> love = no fear -> no fear = freedom
Stop living in survival mode, Jesus came for freedom, so take it.
