Ready for it? - Explore Archived World Race Alumni Blogs

Six months.

That’s how long I’ve been praying, preparing, fundraising, waiting, praying some more, packing, unpacking, repacking, all in anticipation of today.

Today.

My squad is currently taking up a section underneath the escalators at the Atlanta airport. Our first flight leaves at 6:30pm, which will start us en route to Cote d’Ivoire, Africa. It feels surreal that this moment is here. I’ve cried more this past week than I have in the past year, but the tears have been mostly bittersweet. Saying goodbye to a life that I love so much to serve a God that I love even more. What a privilege.

In the weeks and especially days leading up to Friday, January 4th, the day that I left for launch, I got asked one question more than any other.

“Are you ready?”

A thousand emotions pulse through my body every time I hear that question. Panic, excitement, joy, fear, butterflies, disbelief, hope. In the midst of the waves, I hear myself answer “yes and no”. It’s the easy answer to deflect having to actually weigh my thoughts.

The funny thing is, you can only deflect the inevitable for so long. So come Saturday afternoon, I’m saying goodbye to my sisters who have driven me to Atlanta to see me off, and I’m feeling the full weight of the fact that I. am. leaving. everything. for. an. entire. year.

And it hurts. And I hurt. And I’m not ready.

And then I feel guilty for not being excited.

And then I feel excited, and then I don’t. And then I feel sick, and then I don’t.

So I do what I do when I feel sick and sad. I go to sleep early, I take a shower, I put on clean clothes and makeup, and I start a new day.

Flash forward to Sunday night, it’s our last night of worship with all four squads together. I let the sound of hundreds of people singing praises to Jesus fall heavy on me. I let tears run over my face and cries leave my heart. I looked around at the people around me, people who had lives before this moment, who could have easily chosen to live a Christian life at home, but who chose abandon. And in that moment I knew that none of us are ready for what this next year has in store. Because the God we serve has plans bigger than we could ever be prepared for.

But it doesn’t matter if we’re ready. It doesn’t matter if I’m ready. All that matters is that I am willing to step out anyway. Even if I range from being ecstatic to petrified up until our plane touches down in the Abidjan airport. My Dad doesn’t need me to feel fearless, He just needs me to step out in complete trust so that even when I am afraid, I will go.

How is it possible to be obedient in the face of fear? Even obedient to the point of willingly leaving every sense of normalcy? It’s possible because I’m in love. And love makes you do crazy things. It casts out all fear. My Dad loves me so well, He shows me everyday. He loves me when I mess up… BIG time. He created me to be loved, and to love others. How can I not be completely in love with a God who is so so good? How can I not go where He takes me? How can I not trust that as much as He has already taken care of me, He will only do abundantly more over this next year?

Today. Ready or not, here I come.

Team best team