When I was little, I used to RUN across our loft/landing from the bathroom in the middle of the night into my bed out of sheer terror that a monster was going to snatch me up between the doorways. I was TERRIFIED of the dark. I spent countless nights zooming across the hall from my bedroom to my parents’ bedroom just to spook my Dad in the middle of the night to ask him if I could sleep in their bed instead. Sleepovers were not a thing for me until middle school because once the darkness hit, I became distraught.
For no particular reason I felt all of this fear.. in my own understanding it was from nothing other than the bunch of scary movies and monster filled TV shows I found thrills watching.
Even over the last few years, sometimes I find myself doing the same thing when darkness comes.. I run away as fast as possible.
And then I had a series of dreams a few weeks ago, one that was full of scary things, big responsibilities, and a lot of darkness. My dreams were filled with polar opposites, like births and deaths. But through the entire dream, I felt a peace around me. I felt a sense of calm, even comfort as damage and disaster wrecked myself and those around me. It was such an odd tension to wake up to.. both the pull of this darkness and the peace of what I knew to my core to be the Holy Spirit.
I journaled about it. I messaged a teammate. And I went about my day. Until later on, when I brought the dream and the darkness up in a conversation and thought out loud “maybe the darkness wasn’t necessarily bad”. Which then led to a whole conversation about how many cool things actually happen in the darkness.
Fast forward to a bus ride to the train station, and I find myself listening to a podcast about Psalm 91. (Saints Hill Church Podcast) Have you ever read verse 4? Let me help you.
“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;”
Do you know what happens when God covers you with His big ole protective wings? A SHADOW. Do you know what shadows are? DARK. They’re darkness friends. THE SHADOW IS PROTECTION.
I’ve felt a lot of darkness lately, and my soul has known it isn’t spiritual attack, it isn’t anxiety, it isn’t depression, it isn’t homesickness…
ITS GOD PROTECTING ME.
How beautiful. That I’m in a country where I can’t even share the gospel. That I’m doing ATL (Ask The Lord) ministry, where I literally ask Him every day what He wants to do today… and what does He do? Cover me up, and keep me in the shadow of his wings. I’m protected.
So my encouragement to you all is one from Saints Hill Church’s Podcast:
“If you feel like you are in a dark season, a new gospel Lens is coming over your eyes, where you may feel that you are in a dark season, but maybe you’re in the shadow of the almighty, maybe you are hidden in his wings and that you are about to find the most comfort you ever have.”
Comfort. Find comfort in the darkness. Abide in Him, get CLOSE. And His wings will cover you.
nicole Amy
