Man, this week has been wild. In my last blog, I talked about how we were deported from Bolivia back to Chile. I talked about how we tried to get visas from the Bolivian Embassy three different times. I talked about getting a few extra hours with our Chilean host family. And then I talked about how Brushed with Glory spent time in prayer over where to go next.
This wasn’t an easy process for me. My heart was breaking over the internal struggle I was having between what I wanted and what I knew the Lord was asking of us as a team.
I had been praying over the options for at least 24 hours leading up to our team meeting. I was talking to the Lord about it when I was cooking, doing laundry, walking places. I was in constant communication with God over what He wanted for the rest of Month 10.
In the half hour before we talked through the decision as a team, I laid down on a pew in the sanctuary and sang. I worshipped God with everything I had, because I didn’t want to have the conversation we were about to have. I worshipped Him because He is worthy of it, no matter what I’m feeling. I laid on this pew and worshipped and cried and prayed. This wasn’t the first time in the days leading up to our decision that I had told God that I only wanted what He wanted, even when my fleshly desires were trying to overtake what He was asking of me.
Every bit of me wanted to go back to Antofagasta, Chile where we spent Month Nine. I wanted to go back to the city I fell in love with. I wanted to go back to the mountains and the ocean. I wanted to go back to our host family. I wanted to go back to the church we worked with all month. I wanted to go back to the Youth Group we worked with. I wanted to go back to San Pedro, where we went for family vacation. I wanted to sing and dance under billions of stars again.
As I typed this blog, every one of those desires was still true (there was also a pretty good chance I wrote this blog with tears running down my face and a jar of peanut butter and spoon in hand).
The toughest part was that I knew that God wasn’t asking us to go back to Antofagasta or San Pedro. He wanted us to do something new and uncomfortable, and let me tell you, that was hard.
As I laid on the pew in the sanctuary, the Lord reminded of how important it is to act out of obedience, rather than out of fleshly desires. Was my decision for the rest of Month 10 going to be made out of obedience to God our out of what I wanted because it was what I knew and what I was comfortable with?
I have no doubt that I’ll be back in Antofagasta one day, but the time isn’t now.
God made it very clear that we are supposed to do ATL* for the rest of the month, and that ATL wasn’t going to happen in Chile.
As I was laying in the sanctuary singing, the song All I Need is You, by Hillsong UNITED started to play. A few lines of the song were highlighted as I listened.
“I’m drawn to the voice of my Savior once again.” In asking God what He had for us in Month 10, I want to be drawn to God’s voice over and over and over again. When He speaks, I want to be fixed on every word He says because He is so good and He always has something good to say.
Shortly after, the song says “I rest in the thought that You’re watching over me.” I know with every part of me that God is the one in control, so why I am concerned about where we’re going for the month? I trust Him, so I should also trust that when He asks me to go somewhere, I know he’s in control of that. I know that Him asking me to say no to Antofagasta right now means that He has something extremely good for me in another city and in another country.
I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I cried in the last 24 hours – trust me it’s a lot. Some of the tears were over knowing that goodbyes have officially been said. Some of the tears were over the goodness of God and the people He’s placed in my life for this season.
Something I continually have to ask myself is what am I functioning out of: obedience or selfish desires? Something to think about.
So Krispy Chicken Brushed with Glory heads to Cusco, Peru tonight. Because that is what God asked of us.
*ATL stands for Ask The Lord. So you are literally waking up every day asking the Lord what He wants you to do for the day or the week or the month. Our time in Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia was all ATL.
