Vulnerability. What does that word actually even mean? According to dictionary.com it is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed. Or, if you’re more of an old school reader, Merriam Webster defines it as the capability of being physically or emotionally wounded. Why would we want to even put ourselves in a situation where we would get hurt? That just sounds AWFUL!! But, it is also the very position where the Lord can move the most in our lives.
This past week, I was vulnerable. Not in a sense where I shared all of my dark secrets that I have hid in the past, but rather on a table. A massage table to clarify. A place I go occasionally to let all of my stress out. The place where I endure the most pain in order to get the best reward. In all the years that I have gotten massages, never have I been emotional. I’ve fallen asleep many times before, got woken up to drool on the table, but never have I had an experience like I did last week. As I lay there face down, beginning to relax and let my muscles relax, it was as if my leg muscle was connected to my lip. I know, it sounds crazy!! But hear me out, the very moment my leg started to get massaged, my lip started to quiver and my eyes began to tear up. The thoughts that were running through my head were ones of worship and praise. I was happy, I was enjoying the relaxation. But my body, it was as if the flood gates opened and all the attacks of the enemy began to come to the surface.
You see, the first attack that came to mind was, “You don’t deserve to relax.” Followed by, “Wow, I am so fat. He can barely lift my leg to put the sheet underneath it.” “Why do I have so many expectations of things that I cannot control?” “Are you sure you can really leave all your friends and family and not feel a thing?” on and on and on… Lie after lie after lie… You see, I like to say I’ll be okay, but in the end, it’s a lie. I like to think that this is going to be the best experience of my life, WHICH IT WILL! But it will also be the hardest year of my life. I will endure attacks of the enemy that I cannot control. But at this moment, on that table, I felt alone. I felt vulnerable. I felt attacked. But the moment I got home and reminded myself of those very lies that the enemy was telling me, I had to laugh because they were the absolute most ridiculous lies I had ever been attacked with. As I started to write them down, I realized that sometimes the enemy runs out of ideas to trip us up by. He is running out of ways to come against me because, first of all, I know whose I am, and secondly I know who I am because of what the Lord has called me.
It wasn’t always this way though. In preparation for the World Race, I have begun to listen to sermon after sermon on my drives to and from work from pastors all over. I listen to the audio Bible because you can’t fight the lies of the enemy without the word of God. In Ephesians 6, Paul urges us to armor up. ARMOR UP! The enemy will try and throw fiery darts and arrows at you, but with the right armor you can fight back.
“Stand firm then, with the BELT OF TRUTH buckled around your waist, with the BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and with your feet fitted with the READINESS that comes from the GOSPEL OF PEACE. In addition to all this, take up the SHEILD OF FAITH, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the HELMET OF SALVATION and the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, which is the WORD OF GOD. And PRAY IN THE SPIRIT on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.” -Ephesians 6:14-18
With each level of protection you put on, you guard yourself more from the lies of the enemy. You begin to let your wall come down because you know that you won’t get hurt. But you want to know something, with all this protection you have on, your back is uncovered. Why is it that the Lord didn’t give us protection on our back?? Because we are called to live in community. When we have people who can back us up and fight with us, we don’t have to worry about our backs because they are watching it for us! What a great feeling that is!! I don’t know about you, but it gives me the faith to go out and fight more! And let me tell you something, because of this very fact, I HAVE been able to proclaim Jesus in so many more places than before! I have been able to recently go out and proclaim at a Gala, to the ladies doing henna, I have been able to share with the person who gave me a massage (after I stopped crying, of course), the people at my doctors office including doctor and assistants, to friends who are discouraged, and so many other places! But, I had to let my walls of fear come crashing down before I could go out and do this. It is remarkable to see others light up at the words that the Lord shares with them through me. I was at a conference this past month where the lead pastor walks up to me and a friend and smiles at me and shakes my hand. His remark, “You are such a radiant light, you have such a great smile!”, brightened up my face more than it already was because I use to be insecure about my smile because I thought I had “beaver teeth”.
The lies of the enemy are everywhere, and we are not prone to avoid them. But with the right tools in our tool belt, we can face any attack of the enemy and show him who is boss. So whatever the enemy is trying to throw at you, I encourage you, no, I challenge you, to really start to think about where it is coming from. Does it sound like something the Lord of Lords would tell you? Is it from a loving and caring standpoint, or is it a lie? Take the statement and dissect it. It is the very thing that Adam and Eve got tripped up on, and it will trip us up as well. But, as you press in to our loving Father, He will reveal to you what He says about you. For me, that is all I need. I don’t need the approval of society to tell me what to do, but rather the approval of my Heavenly Father who created me.
I hope this encourages you guys to go out and not follow your arrow, but rather BE THE ARROW. Be the arrow that the Lord puts on His bow to penetrate to hearts of the lost. Don’t sugarcoat the gospel. Don’t downplay it because you’re afraid it will offend someone. The Gospel will ALWAYS offend people who are hardened to it, but it will DEFEND you because it is the truth!
Prayer Requests:
+ I am 21 days out for training camp. As I prepare for this, I will need to go out and get gear in order to test it out and make sure it will work for a year.
+ Pray that as we get closer to launch, my team will meet financial deadlines. Our first deadline was September 25th, and my squad was the lowest funded squad of all 5 teams going out in January.
+ Pray for continued support of my trip. I am so excited that fundraising has gone AMAZINGLY for me! I am projected to only need around $4,000 more in order to be fully funded!! Praise Jesus!
+ Pray that the attacks of the enemy would diminish in the name of Jesus for me, my team, and those around me.
+ Continue praying for my team that friendship would flourish and that we would be able to build each other up.
I appreciate all of you who continue to read these blogs as well as pray for me. You are my prayer warriors! My team, qualifying me to be lowered into the darkness of the world. You are my rope holders. DON’T LET GO! Don’t forget about me! I love you guys and am praying for you. XOXO
Listen to Bulletproof! It’s incredible!
