Baby, Panama has been a doozy! We are working on a coffee farm in the mountains. This joint is beautiful! Monday to Friday, we work on the farm; planting coffee plants, roasting and washing coffee, and sometimes picking weeds. Although I absolutely love coffee and the culture that surrounds it, I have been in a really weird mental state this whole month. I feel really discouraged about where I am at, what I am doing, and what the next two months will be like. The Lord has been reminding me day-by-day that what I am doing is for Him. You see, the things in life that I am most passionate about are people who struggle with drug/alcohol addiction and making connection with young adults. For the last 5 months of the race, I have either done some form of physical labor or worked with children. I’m not saying that I’m not good at these types of things, I am really good with kids and I am in good enough shape that physical labor isn’t much of an issue for me. I have mainly been struggling because I haven’t been using my giftings for the last 5 months of the race. I have been stuck in a state of constantly questioning myself, questioning why the Lord has me at a farm rather than in the middle of a busy city connecting with locals or at a rehab clinic.
The lesson the Lord has taught me this past week is that I need to be happy and content no matter where He decides to put me. His word says to be thankful in EVERYTHING, not just what you want to be thankful in. He has selected a spot for me to be and I need to be okay with that. The point of me deciding to go on the race was that I said ‘yes’ to Him and that I was willing to dedicate myself to whatever it was that He wanted me to do. I didn’t sign up to have fun and just do the things that I was good at, if that were the case, I would’ve hopped on a plane myself and gone to the biggest available city to preach the gospel. But no, God said that He wants me on a farm, He said that He wants me working with kids and I should truly be thankful for that. Now, if you know me, I am a person who always likes to get their way, I am really stubborn (yes, I’m working on it), and when I plant my feet, it’s difficult to move me. These last couple of months, I have had to sacrifice my pride and do the work that the Lord hand-selected me to do for these few months.
This has been something that I felt that I needed to share with those of you who read my blogs. I feel as if hiding the way that I feel wasn’t fair to those who have supported me. I desperately want to please the Lord, it pains me to disappoint Him, and these last few months, I was attempting to be disobedient, but the Lord has redeemed that spirit in me. As much as I wanted to ignore it, He was asking me to do things that I didn’t enjoy so that I would be stretched and so I would grow. We’ve got two more months left in this thing and my plan is to dive in head first into whatever the Lord asks me to do. To jump in with a joyful spirit, with peace in my heart, knowing the He is guiding my every step. I trust Him with all that I’ve got, and that won’t change.
I have really been hoping to pray specific prayers over those of you who have supported me. If you have anything you need prayer for, please call or text me at any time, my phone number is +1-414-416-5659, I would love to speak with you and pray over you. Also, at the end of the race, we fly into Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, from there, I need to finance my own flight home. If you would like to help me get home at the end of this thing, I would appreciate any and all help. My flight is $192, if you would like to donate to that, my PayPal is [email protected] and my Venmo is @MiiggySmalls
Thanks for reading my update, I hope that this, in some way, encourages you. If you find it that the Lord has you in a place that you aren’t particularly fond of.. get over it and find the reason that He placed you there, I know there’s a reason behind it..
Much love,
Miguel
