What’s happenin’ everybody, I am really sorry that I haven’t posted a new blog in over a month! There isn’t really a valid excuse, however, the subject of this blog is the reason that I was avoiding posting as a whole, discouragement. So here I go..
This past Thursday was a really tough day for me, I woke up in a terrible mood, feeling like I was under attack and felt incredibly discouraged. Leaving my room felt like I was climbing Mount Everest, even opening my blinds and being able to see the sun seemed like a serious challenge. I literally didn’t want to do anything, and I mean nothing. I looked at my World Race account and noticed that I hadn’t received a single donation in over 2 weeks. Why was nobody donating? I thought that this was something that God wanted me to do, isn’t He supposed to provide for me? All these questions and thoughts were rushing through my brain and I had no clue as to why nothing seemed to be going in my favor.
Later that day, I was texting an old friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in a couple of months, she hit me with the one question that I didn’t really want to hear at the time, “Wanna go grab some coffee?”
UGHHHHH!! I didn’t even want to move from my bed, why was I being punished by having to move?! I was dreading the concept of putting pants on and driving across town to a coffee shop. After trying to think of an excuse, I couldn’t find one. An hour later, I was sitting at a table in a coffee shop sipping some tea and chatting about life. I explained my current state of depression, discouragement, and fear. Knowing me, that isn’t typically something that I show to people. I am usually too proud to show my fear or too arrogant to admit that I don’t know what I’m doing. At this point, vulnerability seemed like something I wanted to run from, but I knew I had to be honest about my feelings, where I was at, and what I was thinking. Vulnerability isn’t something I ever really struggled with, but in this season, I have strayed far from it. I want to seem confident and strong at all times. Through my vulnerability came an awful lot of encouragement and a push to keep going forward, to try harder and to stop being so complacent, which is what I needed to hear. I am thankful that I was able to go see this friend, I am thankful that she was able to speak a little sense into me and show me that God has a plan for this next season.
After meeting with my friend, I stopped, thought and prayed for a little while. I was asking God what I needed to do and why I wasn’t receiving any donations as of late. I prayed that the Lord would help me to be less arrogant and that I would put more trust in Him. Later that day, I received a couple of emails… all of a sudden, there were donations coming in again (even a new anonymous donor, so if you’re reading this, thank you so much). I didn’t do any fundraising, I didn’t reach out to anybody, I didn’t ask for any money, but people were donating. I learned that the biggest thing, no matter what problem you have, is to trust that God can and will provide for what He has ordained for you.
A single story from the Bible was in my mind, and my pastor happened to make mention of that story yesterday mid-worship. The story of when Jesus was walking and the two blind men called out and asked for help. The men were immediately reprimanded by those who surrounded Jesus saying that they shouldn’t be yelling to Him for help, but Jesus still went and asked them, “what do you want from me?” The men were clearly blind, the men were obviously struggling, Jesus knew exactly what they desired out of Him, but He wanted them to ask, even though it was so clear about what they wanted. That is one of the lessons that really stuck with me. Jesus provides for you, but you need to be able to humble yourself and ask. You need to be able to ask for help in your time of need. God has made it obvious to me that the World Race is something that I am supposed to do in this season of my life, so with that, I have just expected Him to provide the funds, I didn’t think I had to ask. He knows what I desire and knows that I need, but I needed to ask. The second that I started to ask was when something began to change. I encourage you, that during any point of struggle or confusion, to ask for help, don’t be proud, don’t be arrogant, just ask.
If you would like to partner with God and partner with me during this journey, I would greatly appreciate if you would be willing to donate to help me go on the World Race by clicking ‘donate’ at the top of the page. If there is any way in which I could be praying for or encouraging you, please do not hesitate to email me ([email protected]) or message me personally on Instagram (@miiggy.smalls).
Thank you for taking time out of your day and reading my blog, I appreciate your support.
Much love,
Miguel Gonzalez
