So I did it!
I finally mustered up enough courage. guts. and willpower to cut off all of my hair! Even though I had planned on cutting it later in the year, the Lord laid it on my heart that this was something that I needed to do sooner than later……
It all started 2 weeks ago…. at Training Camp!! Hello Gainsville, GA!
My heart beat so fast as I drove onto the Adventures in Missions campus grounds. I did not know what to expect. All I knew was that my hands and heart were open and that this city girl was going to have to sleep in a tent.. for 10 days! Training camp was, to say the least, HARD as HELL but BEAUTIFUL! Training Camp was 2-weeks, where I was able to meet some pretty incredible people and where God wrecked me! Not only did I meet some bold- Jesus-crazy adults that I will be doing life with over the next year. But people that would unselfishly pull me up and through a 2.2-mile hike, people that would share their tent, soap, clothing, but most importantly their FAITH WITH ME! People that I was allowed to be vulnerable with. People that I would sit in a loud ” airport” with trying to collectively figure out how to sleep through the noise and lights. People whose hugs felt like hugs from Jesus! People that I would dance with, cry with, laugh with, eat crickets with, take COLD bucket showers with, hold close so we wouldn’t freeze with, shared the love of pizza with, evangelize with, sing around campfires with, worship with…. people that are from all over the world, and would be joined together for ONE purpose only and that is Matthew 28:18! To make disciples of all nations!……. To share the Gospel. To live in Community. To heal the sick and broken…..yeeeeaaa….. let me introduce to you all to Squad Re’a!!!! They are PRETTY AMAZING- COOL JESUS lovin’ PEOPLE!!
Training Camp was also where GOD WRECKED me! I mean, He did not play FAIR! God-1 Meyuna-0!
Walking into Training Camp, I was not aware of it, but I was carrying A LOT and I am not only talking about the 30-pound backpack that was strapped to my back, NOPE! I was carrying….
AN IDENTITY CRISIS!
SHAME in where I was in life.
SHAME in my finances.
SHAME in past and present relationships.
SHAME in MYSELF!
Author Brene Brown puts it best, Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.
OUCH!
It was not until Training Camp that I realized that I was so confused in WHO I was and overwhelmed with what I was carrying, that I was not fully able to be fully PRESENT! I knew that if I did not unpack it, the next year would be even more difficult for me. The only way I would be able to freely walk into what the Lord has for me, to be able to fully give myself to my TEAM, my SQUAD, and all the people that I would meet and LOVE on- I would need to UPACK mentally, spiritually, and emotionally! Leave it all at the foot of the cross!
So training camp looked a little like this:
Freeze!
Wake Up.
Freeze!
Search for Baby Wipes to wipe your freezing body, so that you can change clothes.
Breakdown your tent.
Breakfast.
Worship
Teaching Session
Squad Session
Lunch
Teaching Session
Squad Session
Free Time ( a.k.a debate if it is too cold to shower or not) lol
Put up your tent OR Field Scenario ( aka FREZZZZZEE with another person)!
Dinner
WORSHIP
Put on your headlight
Freeze.
Sleep.
Repeat for 10 days……..
HAHAHAHHAHA!!!!! It was SOOO COLD YALL!! I exaggerated a little bit, But yall get the point! Anyway, through those 10 days, we were able to sit under some pretty amazing teachings! Two, in particular, God did a work in my heart…… it was on- SHAME & IDENTITY!
During the teaching on identity by the Director of the World Race, he taught us that ” What we believed about ourselves determined what we thought and how we saw God” He also communicated to us that ” People are loving the role that you’re playing and the act that you’re putting on”. I realized that for so many years I put more value in the roles that I played. That these roles were more of a priority than the most important role. I lost sight of WHO I was in the midst of these other roles. I am not saying that these roles, ARE NOT important, because they totally make me who I am ultimately! I absolutely LOVE these roles and would not trade them for anything… however; when they are put in front of the ROLE that truly matters, an identity crisis happens! You start to lose yourself in these roles and lose sight of what really matters! I realized that I LOST MYSELF! I also realized that I was dependent on these roles and when I was not operating in some of them… I was lost! They distracted me from hearing what God says about me!
” I can’t get dependent on God until He breaks off things I am dependent on”
Who was I?
I put more value in myself as
- The Bridesmaid
- The Friend
- The Servant
- The Supporter
- The Co-Worker
- The Small Group Leader
- The Roommate
- The College Recruiter
- The Attendee
- Roles that I wanted or desired
- *insert another role*
Nothing could hit the core of WHO I really WAS because I had put on so many other roles and I forgot to value and operate in the ONE role that mattered the MOST…
I AM THE DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD! HIS BELOVED!!!
Well, I started processing and God went to work!
While my team and I were around the campfire one night, singing and worshipping, the Lord said this to me: Meyuna, I want you to stop DOING and just BE!!
WOW!
God revealed to me that for so long I was so BUSY DOING… I forgot how to just BE….
Be PRESENT
Be STILL
BE ME!
BE A DAUGHTER of the MOST HIGH GOD!
At the end of training camp, I left with a new sense of WHO I was and WHOSE I was! The one role that mattered the most! The LOVE of the FATHER was made so much more clear and tangible to me! I was so free leaving training camp! So, I thought…… One thing, in particular, I wrestled with ( even in the beginning) was my hair! I would rush to put my hat on and when someone would compliment me, I would quickly say ” Girl, my hair looks gross”! Yall don’t even want to know how much money and emphasis I put into my hair………
Did I miss everything God showed me over the past 2 weeks? Once again, I was so tangled in the identity my hair gave me- too busy trying to figure out ways to fix or do my hair- I found myself again NOT PRESENT! and NOT BEING!! I know God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! ( Psalm 139) but I wouldn’t believe God’s words because I was so focused on what I SAW!
SO I CUT MY HAIR!
Even though I had planned to cut my hair and God had given me a dream to cut my hair earlier in the year, I felt this immediate urge to enter into this new season after training camp. I wanted to go in cutting OFF what I THOUGHT I knew about myself and any distractions from What God thinks of me and replacing it with KNOWING WHO I AM IN JESUS CHRIST and BELIEVING it!
BOLD. CONFIDENT. BELOVED!
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:13
Me cutting off my hair is symbolic of the NEW season that I am walking into! Even though I leave for Africa ( Cote d’ Ivoire) on January 7, what God is doing in my heart starts NOW! Not when I leave on January 7!
So, friends and family, I challenge you to grab your bible and KNOW what the LORD says about you! Find your identity IN HIM… not in your hair, not in the roles you play or the person you are on social media! YOU are a DAUGHTER/ SON!
God calls you BELOVED!
“If the wind goes where You send it so will I” -Hillsong
Friends and Family thank you so much for reading! As you all know I am still fundraising and would LOVE for you to partner with me! My next Deadline of
$10, 000 due on December 22, 2018! May you please prayerfully consider saying YES to helping spread the GOSPEL! Prayers and Donations are so NEEDED!!!
NO amount is too small!
Thank you for your prayers, your love, and your continued SUPPORT!!!
Love you all so very much!
Meyuna
P.S Here are some pictures from Training Camp! Enjoy!
