Week two of our time in Côte d’Ivoire, the Lord began reframing my mind. Week one felt like a marathon week with so many new experiences and beginning this journey as well as various new ministries.
As I stepped into the middle of January, God knew I needed time to reflect and discover what He has for me while here. I ended up taking my malaria medicine too early without food, and my body didn’t take it well. I chose to stay back at our host home and not go to ministry due to sickness. This was difficult for me because in my head I was letting down the team and the Lord. What was harder was that the next day the same sickness happened again, and I needed to take a second morning off of ministry.
During this time, the Lord begun to clean and heal my body as well as my mind. In this time with Him, I felt Him speaking words of truth over me. He revealed to me the nature I was operating in during our first week here. He showed me the ways I was oriented towards quantity and doing as much as I could whether that was how many times I could share the good news or processing through each person preaching before someone went again.
Holy Spirit spoke an alternative path to me. My heart was in a good place of wanting to spend time with the Lord, love His people, and continue to heal and be renewed. Although, it wasn’t His plan for me to do so without balance and freedom. I’m not evaluated based on quantity and doing the most. He wants my heart focused on Him, for me to hear His voice, and do things well more than do the most.
Quality over quantity
Intentionality
Freedom rather than evaluation
Ministry to self, team, and others
Madison sometimes I want you to just be, not do- sit and be still with me.
I’m not a superhuman, and He doesn’t want me to do it all. He wants to fill me with His love and presence, speak to me personally, and show me what it looks like to love His people. I want to love and honor Him in the day to day. Finding Him and creating ministry as a part of daily life.
As I sat, slept, and processed with God, He also gave me the opportunity to spend time with my two leaders. As I sat with one, she encouraged me to spend time with the Lord asking Him to share how He sees me and what kind of phrase I can remember in times of questioning or difficulty. As I sat with the Lord, I heard Him speak to me “you are my chosen, loved one”.
Since those days, I’ve experienced a different sense of peace and being filled by the Lord. I was able to hand over my expectations and become present in the day to day. I’ve seen a greater sense of appreciation and gratitude in myself as I’ve allowed Him to reveal to me new things in the day to day.
I’m learning I don’t have to fill a certain role all the time. I can be who He created me to be in all the various facets. I can be authentic and open with my experiences and emotions. I can trust that He is at work and moving. He is creating team unity and belonging. He is healing and freeing us from old chains as He provides new starts. He is so good and loves so well.
Tomorrow we head to Ghana for five days of debrief with our whole squad! Then our team will head to Sunyani for the month!!
