Dear Father,
Sometimes I don’t understand you, but I guess I should start this letter by saying thanks. Thank you for life. Thank you for existence. Thank you for love. Now, I don’t understand a few things about this life you let us live.
When Satan attacks, why does it feel like you’re not there? Sometimes it feels like I am drowning in the ocean during a storm and I get so low under water that I can’t see the surface anymore… but then you reach in and grab me out. But show me God, where are you in the storm? Are you just waiting on me to get just deep enough that I need you? Are you on a boat watching me drown from afar?
I guess you’re right there sticking your hand out the entire time. Maybe I just wait until the last minute to depend on you.
When I walk past a homeless child who is dirty, malnourished and craving to be loved I look around and try to find someone who is offering up your love for him. Then I realize there is no one. No one to hold him. No one to feed him. No one to hold his hand on the walk to school. Not one person to tell him he is important. No one to tell him he is loved. Where are your people God? Where are you?
Then I realize I can be that person. You sent me.
But then there are all the goodbyes. God I can’t say one more goodbye. Remember the boy who ran after my taxi? The boy who might have never been told he is strong and confident and has hope? He lost the most encouraging person in his life that day he ran after my taxi with tears running down his cheeks yelling goodbye. I feel like a month is a tease! It’s not long enough! I walk in, change his life and then just leave him behind?
But I guess Jesus left his disciples. He even said it would be better for him to go so that the Holy Spirit could be sent. I guess you’re still there even after I am gone. You’re more encouraging than I could ever be. Thanks for never leaving your kids behind.
Okay but what about all the atheists I talk to? All the seeds I cast out that don’t take root? All the people I pour my heart out to in love because I don’t want to see anyone go to hell. What about them? Why do you put me in front of people who reject me?
I guess they aren’t rejecting me… They’re rejecting you… I am sorry for how many people reject you even after you went through beatings, mockings and murder for us on that cross.
But then is my attempt to share your love in vain? Should I stop trying so hard to go after the lost and hopeless?
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil. 1:6
Thank you for caring more about them than I ever could. Thank you for re-planting my seeds that don’t take root and finishing the work you used me to start.
What about Detay and Tsepo? Those two boys who live alone in a house together without their moms. Fourteen years old is not old enough to be on your own. Why does their childhood have to be snatched too early? Why do they have to cook for themselves, prepare for school by themselves and take care of the house all without the love from a mother and father.
”Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” Luke 6:21
Thank you that Detay and Tsepo are rich in spirit and know your love better than anyone I have ever met. I guess a little bit of suffering in this life is the equivalent to a minute of suffering in the perspective of eternity.
Alright, one last thing God. Why all the secrecy? Why can’t you tell me what my future looks like, or who I will marry or the end of my story… does it end well?
I guess it’s a lot like Avengers End Game when Dr. Strange can’t tell Iron Man if they win and how… If you tell me, I might mess up the plan. I might not follow you with childlike faith. I might not follow you blindly into the beautiful adventure you have waiting for me.
Thanks for being perfect God. Sometimes I don’t understand what you’re doing, but I can always fix my eyes on the truth that you are a good Father.
I love you
