I finally felt empty.
The entire race I have been on a high for Jesus. I have had my emotions together, I have known what to say, I have been in a good mood…. But I used “I” way too much.
My relationship with Jesus has everything to do with me, but also nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with Jesus and his Kingdom.
This past week I have been put into some amazing leadership roles where I had to prepare two talks and have some one-on-ones with people. After a long day of pouring out everything I had to people, I entered worship with a heaviness on my shoulders.
I finally felt empty.
I knelt down on my knees and said, “God I have nothing to give.” He said, “invite others to share your burden through vulnerability.”
I immediately tensed up… If you know me at all, you know I am stubborn and never ask for help. So I stayed on my knees for a few more minutes until I finally gave into submitting to God.
I got up and I shared about the emptiness I was feeling. I had no juice left and I was so discouraged. I shared a passage of scripture.
“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering,
and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord,
the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me,
but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” – 2 Timothy 4:6-8
Vulnerability always leads to freedom.
Immediately after I shared a weight was lifted. I went on to say I can rejoice in being empty because it means I have poured out everything the Lord has given me.
In emptiness, God can finally speak. Since I had nothing left the only thing able to come out of my mouth is Holy Spirit. The only actions I am able to do is what God tells me to do. Finally, when we are empty, Holy Spirit fills us up with something new.
After I shared with the squad, people began to express they were feeling the same emptiness. Everyone who felt empty got up and stood in the center of the room while our squad mates prayed and worshipped over us. We sang for God to pour out his love over us and fill us up and the energy in the room totally transformed.
While we were worshiping God said to me, “you are a warrior. You are tired because you had a long days labor in my Kingdom. Thank you, I am proud, but you are already filled because my Spirit never leaves you. Take your cup and dip it in the water that is all around.”
At the same time my squad mate stopped the worship and said he had a vision of the whole room flooded, and everyone in the room rising. He said even when we feel empty, we are actually never empty… because Holy Spirit never leaves… He dwells in our midst… WOAH
There were about 15 other women who stood up to be prayed over because they felt empty. My mind was totally transformed to the power of transparency and vulnerability.
Thank you God for using my weakness to make your strength known.
If you are feeling hopeless and empty, know you are not alone. You have a body of believers who are going through the same thing. Be vulnerable with someone even if they aren’t close to you. Also know that God hasn’t left. You have the option to dip your cup into Holy Spirit who dwells in your midst.
