This is a blog about my struggle with eating and body image. I think it needs to be brought into the light so I can further my healing in it. I know a lot of people struggle with it too, and I want you all to know that you are not alone. You are seen, known, and loved. You have a Father that loves you regardless of the things you have done. You are worthy.
February. The month that I began to struggle with my body image. At first it was just me wishing that I could be skinnier, but it soon after turned into something bad. When something goes wrong or changes in my life, the only thing that I feel like I can control is how much I eat, and I can now see how scary it is.
March rolled around and I had decided that I didn’t want to workout so I could be healthy and have muscle. I instead decided that I just wouldn’t eat at all. When I first started to not eat, I felt so much shame because I couldn’t stick to it. It’s terrible sometimes how much the enemy tries to attack you and tell you that you’re not good enough.
I thought that maybe if I could just be skinnier then I would have more friends or more people would like me. So, April rolled around and it was prom season and by then people had started to realize that I was dropping weight. It’s funny though because people would comment on how they noticed that I was losing weight, but I couldn’t get out of my head and I became so obsessed with it. The more pounds I lost, the more worth I felt. I didn’t eat for an entire week before prom because I thought that it would make me look good in my dress. I had lost almost 20 pounds in 2 weeks, which is a lot for me.
I struggled with skipping meals if I would eat too much and constant trying not to eat all the time up until graduation. From the end of February to the middle of May, I was constantly tired. I had zero energy for anything at all, all that I wanted to do was sleep. It was a constant battle with my mind that I could never ever seem to win.
And now I’m on the world race. I’m still struggling really hard with body image and with eating here too. It’s hard to overcome, but it’s nice to know that I have Jesus who loves me and made me perfect in His image. I have a lot more growing to do before I return to the states in 8 months. I’m thankful for every single thing the Lord is teaching me here and I’m happy to share them with you. Thank you for reading all of my blogs, it means the world to me to have a support system like this one.
