WOW. this was a hard one for me to write so stick with me.
when I first arrived home from training camp, I was one of those “my life is forever changed, I will never fall back into sin” people. well, I was wrong. ever since I got home, a world full of sin seems to be all I have been living. it’s crazy though because in my mind I know that I so badly wanted to be different, but I also so badly wanted to be accepted by the people in my small town that I didn’t know how to be accepted any other way.
for so long, I’ve tried to find my worth in boys and I know it’s like a teenager thing or something. (in my small town anyway) it’s like if you don’t have a boyfriend you’re not cool? biggest lie ever. I would be continuously disappointed, I would feel like my heart was so broken, I would feel unworthy, unloved. I could never grasp the fact that Jesus was literally placing people into my life that would draw me closer to Him. every heartbreak, every sadness– He was always there waiting for me. He knew what I needed& He wanted me so badly to be closer to Him& to have a better relationship with Him.
the other night I heard Jesus loud& clear. He literally put the words “stop trying to find your worth in worldly things, and run to me” and honestly I was like yeah okay God I know. the thing is that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
this world has a way of somewhat trapping us when we’re vulnerable, everywhere you look there is temptation. the most beautiful thing is that when you turn to Jesus in those moments, He is still there waiting for you. He still loves you, and I know that tonight I wasn’t the only one reading this that needed to hear that.
it’s hard sometimes because I feel like there is so much pressure for me to be perfect in everyone’s eyes because I’m going on a mission trip and I feel like I need to live my life how other people think that I should, but that is so very wrong.
so tonight, I am surrendering my all to Jesus. He paid it all for me. He saved me when I thought I was too far gone. He loved me when I felt unloveable.
I’m so very thankful for a God that is so loving, and for each one of you. thanks for reading.
