this is my re-do of my training camp blog because the first time I sat down and thought about things I was too overwhelmed to write anything I wanted to.
training camp was indeed one of the hardest weeks of my life. I am a big homebody and because of that I was missing home. it was only 10 days long and I was confused about how I would ever last 9 months in other countries. but then I realized that fear was the only thing stopping me from wanting to continue on with the race.
change is always something I have struggled with and the change that is about to happen in my life is very big. it took me awhile to be okay with that. I remembered that if I wanted to change the lives of other people, that I had to be willing to make sacrifices and changes myself. its difficult, overwhelming, and hard. there’s no other way to put it, but when Jesus calls your name, you go without hesitation.
training camp was incredible and hard. cold bucket showers, porta potties, non existent water pressure, weird foods, and sleeping in tents was difficult. worship wrecked me every single time. the words spoken every single night were some of the greatest truths and sometimes it was difficult to listen because of the lives we often live as humans.
some of the things I learned at training camp were that forgiveness will set you free, that being vulnerable is necessary, that the voice of Jesus is so clearly evident sometimes we are just unsure if it’s Him or not. I learned many other things, but these are the ones that spoke the most to me.
the first few nights at camp were the biggest struggles for me. my thoughts consumed me. I was worried that I was not made for the race, I was scared of what everyone would think of me, I was afraid to admit that I had no idea what I was doing, and it seemed like everyone around me knew much more about Jesus than I did. a few nights in, I spoke with one of my squad leaders and she prayed over me. as she was praying that I would hear the voice of the Lord it started pouring, and all I could think of was “wow, this is it isn’t it?” and that’s when I knew that He was speaking to me the whole time I just wasn’t sure of how to listen. it changed my entire perspective the rest of training camp.
and here I am now, unwilling to let fear control me.
