I’m sitting at the cafe down the street from my house , and I smile as the faces of the little ones I got to love on last month consumes my mind.
I can still hear them say ,” auntie !” Over and over again.
Their voices forever implanted in my memory.
These beautiful little humans were my ministry last month.
I didn’t see any accept Christ.
I didn’t see any physical healings.
To my knowledge none of them experienced any deliverances or revelations.
But what did I do ?
I simply loved them.
Love – itself is ministry.
Yes love friends , love is ministry.
In Peru I wrote a letter to myself to read at the end of my race.
When I wrote about my month 4 country , Jesus said to me, “ you will see healings and miracles.”
I went into month 5 , thinking I would see deliverances from demons , supernatural physical healings and all the things.
But you see , I didn’t see any those things.
Silly me – putting God in such a box.
So Did I still see a miracle ?
Yes. Yes I did.
My journal entry on 4/30/2019 :
Today S came up to me wide eyed and smiling, tapping my arm saying “AUNTIE , AUNTIE!” She was so excited to share her bible verses with me that she had been practicing to remember the night before . (Everyday at VBS the kids got a verse to memorize , to quote the next day) .
S had her paper with the verses written on it and began to read and say her memory verses she had learned that week.
S’s family are not Christians.
She can speak only some English and is still learning.
As she said her memory verse , she began to sound out some of the words and then she would stop.
She couldn’t remember some of the words.
She got frustrated for a moment and then she tried again .
All the other girls were crowding around her and she began to get nervous . When this happened she stopped saying anything and look down.
I told her “let’s go outside .”
So we went outside the room to the stairwell and sat together and she began to practice some more.
There were just a few words she would forget when she got to them and then she would get frustrated again.
I told her it’s ok, keep practicing , you’re doing so good.
She said , “I practiced yesterday and at home last night and in the car , and I make mistakes.”
I said , “it’s ok , let’s keep practicing .”
We sounded out together the words that she had a harder time pronouncing.
She was determined to get them right.
She wanted it to be perfect.
She would get sad when she messed up and would turn her head away and sometimes look down.
She would say ,” ok I say it 5 more times” and would keep practicing.
She even took a red crayon and underlined the words she knew in red and the ones she didn’t know in blue.
She kept practicing .
When she continued to forget the words she eventually stopped and kept her head down.
Out of nowhere she began to talk about her dad.
She said her dad died when she was 5.
She is 10 years old now.
Backstory : I found out later that He burned himself alive and she saw it happened.
She said ,” I miss my dad.”
I’m sitting here watching this girl desperately trying to get these memory verses right.
She’s determined to say them perfectly .
And then suddenly opening up to me about her father’s death and her mother now working .
And how on her birthday she didn’t get a cake or a new dress.
And how no one came to her birthday.
And I’m like … man Jesus.
What could I possibly say ?
Honestly , I had no clue.
All these thoughts are running through my head.
Why is she so determined ?
Could it be because she is the new girl at the home and she wants to speak English just as good as the other girls her age at the home?
Could it be that she really wants to say all the verses right to prove something to the other girls or to herself ?
Could it be because she has nothing else to grasp onto, except this paper in her hand with these verses- if she could just say these verses right – then that’s something worth working towards in her life – for now , that’s something she can control in her life.
Or…
Could it be simply because she wants the prize for saying the verses correctly ?
No.
In my heart , I’m thinking this is so much more than just getting a prize .
She is doing this not for the prize.
But for herself.
Because she needs to get these verses right.
Because she needs to feel special.
And I lost it.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer .
I cried.
She looked up at me and said, “Auntie , why are you crying ?”
And she wipes my tears.
All I could manage to say was, “ I’m sorry about your dad. “
She begins to cry.
And I hold her.
I said God brought you to a good home , and you are going to go to school and learn and one day when you’re older go to a university and get your degree and get married and have children.
She said I want to be a beautician.
I said , keep trusting God. He has big plans for you.
So we keep practicing .
Later she said her all verses .
After she finished she said, “I made mistakes.”
I said ,”but you still said them. And it’s ok to make mistakes.”
As I was holding her I said ,
“ You are beautiful. “
“And you are smart .”
“ And you are loved and I love you.”
I spoke to my host mother later that day and shared this story with her.
How out of nowhere this child opened up to me about her feelings and her family.
How it was such a God thing.
Because she hadn’t spoken to anyone about these things yet.
My little miracle.
My sweet S.
My smart and beautiful S.
A miracle means : an amazing or wonderful occurrence. An event so marvelous that it seems like it was sent from above.
I knew in that moment S was the miracle God said I would see.
S is one of the many girls who touched my heart.
I learned so much from them.
They spoke of Jesus so eloquently and with such knowledge.
They worshipped so boldly.
And they love each other and care for each other.
I loved how the older girls take care of the little ones like mothers care for their daughters.
I love the conversations we had about America , music, and movies.
I love the sleepover we had together.
How we laughed and ate popcorn and chips till our bellies hurt.
I loved holding “A” and seeing her smile.
And I’ll never forget “V” grabbing my hand and saying to me “I’ll never forget you.”
I loved when E spoke with such light in her eyes and with so much spirit.
How our free spirits connected almost instantly.
I loved it when S came over to me and laid her head down on me and slept beside me.
For the first time in my life – I felt something more than just sisterly love .
I felt a motherly love.
I can’t explain it other than I haven’t really desired to be a mother yet- until the moment I met these girls.
Holding the little ones to encouraging the older ones – something in my heart turned.
As I laid there that night in the girls home, the most random thought went through my mind :
This may not be the last night I sleep in this home.
When we were told we were working with a girls home this month I honestly wasn’t looking forward to it.
I thought really ? Again ?
But oh how God stirs within you.
God gave me a passion for children’s ministry this month.
He gave me a passion for these girls.
My heart – is forever changed.
There is just something special about simple conversations , laughter , and love.
All these things I felt God move in when I was with these girls.
These girls reflected the Father’s love to me so evidently.
In their hospitality.
Their humility.
Their readiness to serve.
Their laughter.
Their love for each other.
Something special for sure.
I left part of my heart in India .
And I dream of the day I see these girls again.
