It’s seems like just yesterday I received my acceptance call to go on the race . I remember falling to my knees and the first thing I could manage to say was “thank you God.”
Now , only 30 days till launch. Wowzzaa.
I woke up this morning at 5am to the Lord speaking to me, telling me to get up and spend time with Him. Of course my first response is “really Papa, like you can’t wait a few hours ?” But I got up, and asked him, “ok Papa, what do you want to teach me during these next 30 days? “
If I had a dime for every time someone ask me “how do you feel about leaving” or “are you ready?” I’d be a rich lady. Truth is , I don’t think you can ever be “ready” for the something like the world race .
But how do I feel ? Welp, honestly it’s a slew of emotions. Bittersweet to say the least. I mean, I am going to miss lots of things , things I know I take for granted now. Like a nice long hot shower , driving down the road blasting the radio , being able to flush toilet paper down the commode (I will not be able to do this in most of the countries I’ll be visiting) . I’ll miss the shelby cafe every Friday morning with my coworkers, being able to turn on the faucet without thinking twice to get some water to drink , I’ll miss my friends and my family and my privacy.
I am sad I won’t be here to see the faces of two of my best friend’s newborn babies and greet them into this world and River will be 2 when I get home. Seeing them grow , I’ll miss out on that . And that’s hard to swallow.
When my coworkers respond to a trauma code and kick butt like we always do, I won’t be there to help. Being an ER nurse for the last 4 years is all I’ve known as far as a career and now leaving that behind to do something completely different terrifies me.
I am a 26 year old woman. Society thinks that by now , I should be settled down, married, building a house and having some little ones to roam around in it. And while I desperately want that , it just hasn’t happened for me yet . And that’s ok. But what does God think ?
If I’ve learned anything this year , its been contentment. Boy this one is hard. We always want more . I mean, am I right ? Nothing seems good enough for us. We continually want to be filled with something(s).
Some of my biggest hearts desires are the things I just listed but God hasn’t blessed me with that . Right now I just hear God speaking the word contentment over me.
Philippians 4:11-12 says , “ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, every where and in all things I am instructed to be both full and hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
Remember those things I said I probably take for granted now? I have a feeling this verse will be something I quote A LOT next year. Truth is, I don’t know where my water or food will come from or where I am gonna sleep every month. All I know is that God tells me to be content . “He gives and He takes away, but my heart will still choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.”
I guess you could say I am giving up things that are important to me to help further the kingdom of God, but really in hindsight these sacrifices are not worthy enough to be compared to what some people give up on a daily basis to follow Christ . And definitely incomparable to the ultimate sacrifice Christ made for us.
So contentment . This is what I believe Christ wants to speak to me. Now , over the next 30 days and during next year.
To be content with not showering for days, be content with sharing a room with 6 other women, be content with not knowing what lies ahead .
When I close my eyes , I see these visions. I see myself surrounded by young women. I am loving on them and worshipping with them. They are so beautiful , their smiles , their laughter . I see children. In my arms , hanging around my neck. I am loving on them as if they were my own. I see a generation of bold believers , in a crowded room, singing , praising, being filled by the Holy Spirit.
When I get overwhelmed thinking about all the things I am gonna miss about home and what I’ll miss over the next year , Papa reminds me to close my eyes and see these visions, these glimpses of what may be next year . So I do that. I see these faces, I see their hearts, I am overcome by the love of my Father and His love for His people. I smile , and remember the root of true satisfaction : A life living for Jesus. And knowing that , I am content .
