As I find myself sitting here writing this initial post, the first of many, I think to myself, “Father how did we get here? “ If someone would’ve told me a few years ago that I would be leaving my home, job, family and friends for 11 months , living out of a backpack , zealously bringing the Gospel to some of the uttermost parts of the world … I would’ve said , “Me ? Nah, you’re crazy!” But I’ve learned that God can take even broken things and use them to further His kingdom. So if that is true, which I believe it is, and then here I am Lord…I’m all yours.
I remember the first time I felt the Lord calling me to missions. It was actually during a trip abroad when I felt God pull at my heart. In 2015, during spring break of my senior year, I went to Guatemala with some of my nursing classmates. Completely in awe of the breathtaking views, and vast mountains towering over me, enamored by the Creators craft…and the beautiful souls and smiles, who wouldn’t fall in love with this place? After a day of volunteering at a school, I made my way outside to play soccer with some of the kids. In the midst of playing a young girl caught my eye. My eyes followed her as she made her way to a sink close by. We had spent majority of our day teaching the kids about tooth brushing and passed out toothbrushes for them to take home. I watched this little girl pull her toothbrush from her pocket and she began to meticulously scrub the dirt and grime off the sink. After she was finished she began to take a drink from the sink. My heart began to break. It was there during recess, at a school in Guatemala that the Lord planted this burning passion for missions inside my heart.
Fast forward 2 years later and next thing I know I’m boarding a plane to Kenya. How did I get here? What lapsed during those 2 years? For years I kept putting my relationship with the Lord on the back burner and placed my focus on things that at the time I had made my priorities instead. I knew God had bigger plans for me but I wasn’t ready to give up my personal wants and needs. I wasn’t fully surrendering. I had a plan you see. After high school I made a list: go to college, graduate from nursing school, get a job, buy a car, buy a house, get married, have kids, etc. What I didn’t realize until later was, what about just living? What about adventures? What about God? And as my focus became solely on the things of my own personal desire and not of God’s, I began to lose sight of who I was and what God wanted for me.
2017 was a year of healing for me. After years of emotional abuse and losing my grandmother I began to question God, and often found myself asking him why? Why God? It seemed like every time I tried to pray I would get more frustrated and hurt. And sometimes I didn’t even know what to pray for. A good friend recommended that I read through Psalms. Oh how sweet the Psalms came to me. Psalms was like ointment for me. As I read through Psalms, the Spirit began to move inside me and my heart began to heal. What initially began as a year of healing evolved into a year of restoring? During the times of loneliness, feelings of unworthiness and brokenness, I would cry out to my Father for help and boy did He deliver me. For once, I could finally breathe again. As I looked at myself in the mirror I began to recognize the woman staring back at me. I began to fall in love with my first love again. I began to believe again in the Lord’s goodness and mercy. Thank God for His mercy. Thank God for His unwavering love. I no longer harbored my shame, my regret or my resentment towards the one who hurt me. I felt free. Through God’s healing and restoring, He also restored my relationship with Him. And I’m so unworthy, SO unworthy of the King’s Love, but thank God He saw something in me, that was enough to say , “she’s mine.” I had forgotten my Father, but thank God He never forgot about me.
2017 also brought several beautiful souls along my way. And I believe the Lord allowed my path to cross with these people to help aid in the healing process. Funny how He works right? The beginning of the year I was in a pit of heartache and 9 months later I’m boarding a plane to Kenya. Once again, isn’t it funny how our God works? I had no idea what to expect. Traveling completely alone not knowing what lied ahead really challenged me to fully trust in God. And you know what? My Man came through, like He always does. I had never experienced the Holy Spirit like I did while I was in Kenya. That’s the thing about the Spirit. You see, God is my father. He’s my protector, the one who guides me and chastises me, because He loves me. My Lord, well He’s my Savior, my Redeemer. He knows the way to my heart, He’s my first love. He loves me so much He died for me. And the Spirit… boy He sure knows how to stir something inside me and make my heart turn. And in His presence, I don’t feel like I just exist, I feel every beat inside my chest, I feel alive. I remember the first worship service I attended in Kenya. I had no idea what anyone was singing or saying but 5 minutes into the service I found myself bawling. I was completely overwhelmed by the Spirit’s flooding presence in that atmosphere. I witnessed firsthand the Lord’s love through acts of healing. To this day, I still get chills just thinking about it. And for the first time, I felt called to something. I felt a purpose.
But why the World Race? Why choose this life of committing solely to further His kingdom? As I said earlier I had this list right? Instead of putting my fulfillment and contentment in the Lord I was trying to fill that void with other things. Like the woman at Jacobs well (John chapter 4) I kept trying to quench my thirst with things that would only leave me thirsty for more. I tried to find fulfillment in past relationships, in my job, and then it hit me… what if there is more? What if there is more to life than a title behind my name? What if there is more to life than a successful job? What if there is more to life than purchasing a brand new car or owning a cookie cutter home? Why should I settle for the American dream when God is offering me the great commission? (Matthew 28:19-20)
God calls us to do two great commandments. To love the Lord with all our heart, all our soul and all our mind. And the second commandment, to love others just as Christ has loved us. (Matthew 22:37-39) I want to go and be love. I have an insane desire to completely lose myself in the service of others. I want to bring the gospel to the ends of the world and further the Kingdom of the Creator. Faithfully surrendering to the call of God, setting things aside that don’t really matter, pressing forward, keeping my eyes set on things above. (Col. 3:2). Not all are called to mission work, but mission work doesn’t have to be international. It can be right here too. Whether it’s witnessing to a coworker, serving at your church, volunteering for a local ministry. Whatever your passion is I encourage you to wholeheartedly seek it and never look back.
I’ve spent 23 of my 25 years living a life not completely sold out for Christ. Hey, I’m not perfect. Lord knows I’ve made mistakes. I thought going to church on Sunday and reading my Bible weekly was okay to “get by.” However, I realized the Lord can use you in ways you could never imagine if you only let Him.
I don’t want to spend any more time pursuing things that aren’t of God’s will for me. With every breath in me I want to proclaim His Holy name and may my lips never cease to praise Him. I want to live every single moment committed to being a witness of the Gospel and its transforming power, to go bound in the spirit and finish my course with joy. (Acts 20:22-24) When I stand before my God I long to hear Him say “you’re good and faithful. (Matthew 25:21) Come to my table my daughter. You have finished the race.”
Subscribe to my blog at http://lauriemcneilly.theworldrace.org/ for continued updates as I prepare to leave for the World Race and while I am on the mission field. If you feel as if the Lord is calling you to give I invite you to, and in that to become a part of this journey with me and a part of furthering the Kingdom of God. To donate visit my blog at the link above and click on “donate”. Can’t wait to share with you guys all the awesome things the Lord will be doing in the future!
