I’m burnt out. I’m struggling. I’m drained from living in community 24/7. I want home to comfort me right now. I want my mom and my dogs in my bed cuddled up not having to go anywhere. I want to be alone. I’m exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million directions. The Lord asked me to give up my income from 3 different jobs this year. To serve him. Serving him is my job right now. But it’s hard because I am on 24/7. I don’t need to come home but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to.
This is what I’m learning right now through this.
I’m learning what stresses me out and gives me anxiety.
I’m learning how to be more self aware.
I’m learning that I need to find out how I find rest.
I’m learning that I have to learn how to say no to people and be okay with that.
I’m learning that I struggle with self discipline and making commitments with myself. Therefore, it’s hard for me to keep a commitment with someone else.
I’m learning that it’s okay to have a bad day as a follower of Christ because I’m human not perfect.
In order for me to pour out to others I have to be filled up with the Lord first BEFORE I can truly love.
I am weak right now, so weak. But I will not be quiet that I’m struggling because I need to rely on the people I’m with. I’m with another team the month for Uganda and I’m so excited (although I was not at first) I love my team and I know that I have to rely on the strength from the Lord first to help me through this and the strength of my team and others on my squad.
The Lord is so good and I know this month will feel restful in the midst of being in a busy city. My team is on a 148 acre farm, like what? Thank you Lord for providing me what I truly needed this month. He is good and faithful.
I have been in a city every month except for India and 2 weeks in Rwanda. I was prepared for being in the middle of nowhere each month. And even though we are in a busy city you can still be still.
If you are reading this I hope it serves as an encouragement to you to think about how you find personal rest. We all need it and don’t feel sorry for taking advantage of it. That’s what our off days are for before going back to work. I find rest by having nothing planned for the day and taking naps. You might find rest by working out, going to a coffee shop and meeting up with someone, or it could be going for a drive. Whatever it is do it. It’s healthy and our mental health is so SO important.
This month I’m going to take a day where I take a true Sabbath, where I just sit with the Lord all day and allow him to speak. That day I will also be fasting please join me if you would like.
Thank you for reading!
