In case you didn’t know, I shaved my head! Crazy right?
Before even coming on the race I knew I would do it. All it took was one thought and I had my yes. I didn’t look too far into it. I didn’t think it was necessary for me to pray about it or see if it was something the Lord wanted. I just knew I needed to do it. This wasn‘t a sacrifice or offering I made to God, simply an outward expression of an inward change. Towards the end of being in Peru, I made up my mind for sure. Going into India, we had a few days of training with the entire squad before going into our ministry sites. I knew deep down that if I didn’t shave my head the first week of India, I wouldn’t do it at all. One of the main reasons for doing this was because if I say I’m going to do something to myself and not follow through, how am I going to obey the Lord and instill trust with others? Finally the time came and I had a fairly large group from the squad surround me with their love, encouragement, and kindness throughout it. It was so humbling to see the love as each person took turns to help me shave my head. They were so gentle and patient. The crazy thing was that everyone could see the process of this happening except for me. I was nervous of course, but knew this is what I had to do.
I was first shocked at the fact that my hair was shorter than my dad’s lol. I was shocked that I actually did it. Then I had a freak out at how long it will take for my hair to grow back. (I started with a two and ended with no guard)
There is a change happening inside of me and I can’t explain it. I’m not the same person I was when I left in January and I don’t plan to ever go back. I believe this is the start of an awakening that is happening and the catapult of the calling on my life. I feel more like myself, like I have nothing to hide. And I’m diving deeper than ever before into the true identity that can only be revealed through Christ.
Before shaving my head, I didn’t realize the amount of value and identity I put in having hair. I would spend time washing it, drying it, then making sure “it was satisfactory” before going to work or leaving the house. I’m learning that the Lord and people around me don’t place their value in me on having hair or not. They love, support, and encourage me just. the. same. as they did before I shaved my head! Wow.
Even though I’m happy with this decision I made, there are also some things that are difficult for me and I have to work through. I miss curling my hair and doing different things with it. I find myself asking others who have hair if I can brush it or play with theirs. When walking with a large group of Americans, I feel as though I get stared at just a little longer than others. I wonder what they’re thinking. But what they’re thinking does. not. matter. It shouldn’t! I have to constantly speak truth over myself in those moments.
All this to say, when the Lord looks at me, he sees my heart. When he created me, he knew what I would look like throughout my life. And because I’m in relationship with him, he doesn’t see my outward appearance he sees what is going on inside of me. What he longs for and what he desires in each of us is our hearts. Even though I’m struggling with the drastic change I made, I don’t regret it. It’s bringing me closer to God than ever before and bringing out the true me.
