Kenya has been INCREDIBLE so far! The Lord has been teaching me a lot about myself and who He is calling me to be IN Him. This blog is word for word what I spoke on in church on Sunday…
When we as people come to believe and trust in Jesus, He begins a work in us. Making us look more like Him, from the inside out. He knows every little thing about us, even things we don’t know yet. But He is willing to reveal these things to us, if we let Him. Whether it be sin we are unaware about, fears that hold us back, lies that Satan or the world has told us AND He reveals to us who He says we are, He gives us reminders of just how much He loves and cares for us, He reveals His glory and majesty, He reveals characteristics about Himself that we didn’t know before and so much more!
There have many different things that God has revealed and worked on with me since leaving in January. I want to focus on one insecurity and biggest fear that has consumed who I thought I was, since I was a little girl.
The fear of public speaking and microphones.
The insecurity of my voice.
These both intertwine for me. As you can tell, I sound different. The reason being that when I was 13 years old, I developed this wart on my vocal cord. So instead of them being normal, the left one overlaps the right and not much can come through, resulting in a soft and raspy voice.
The doctors were unsure of what it could be until 1 1/2 years ago. So for 7 years, I always heard the words “are you sick” or “what’s wrong with your voice”. I was always talked over because I can’t speak loud. People didn’t want to be my friend because I sound different.
I didn’t realize what affect these comments and actions had on my life. I didn’t realize that how I operate is out of the insecurity of what I sounded like. I wasn’t confident. It was a lie that the world and Satan had told me for years. And I believed it.
Fast forward to leaving America in January. At our first month in Colombia, I heard the lord tell me that He is giving me courage and boldness to use my voice. And I was scared. Scared because I didn’t even know it was affecting me this much.
But then I thought, how cool is it that the Creator of EVERYTHING on Earth loves me that much that He wouldn’t let me sit in my insecurity and fear. That He told me. Because that’s what a Good Father does, He tells His children things they can’t see so they can become more of who they were created to be.
This was a choice for me. A choice to listen to God and let Him break the chain that held me captive for so long. So I chose in. Every single day, beginning the day He told me, 8 months ago. Today I can say with complete confidence that that chain is BROKEN! It’s GONE! It has NO hold over me anymore and I am FREE!
How do I know that this chain is broken? For the past 8 months, we have had many opportunities to speak about the world race, share our testimonies and share and the gospel but I would never volunteer to speak up – I would literally run from the microphone, even on stage in front of everyone. My stomach would turn and something would tell me that I couldn’t do it.
Last Sunday, I had a choice and I picked up a microphone here, to talk about the world race and I picked it up again today. God didn’t force me either time. He let me choose and I chose to step out in faith both times even though my mind kept saying no. God asks us to have faith in Him and He will make us ready, even when we think we aren’t. And now I walk in the confidence of my voice. I walk in no fear of microphones. I walk in faith that He will do what He says He will do because He is that good and that faithful to His Word.
