This week tested me! Here I am ready to minister…and instead, God spent the week ministering to me. I was laid up all week…SICK. It’s funny because before coming on this trip I asked God to teach me things that I would not be able to learn at home… after the first day of being sick, I instantly wanted to take back that prayer (haha). It’s also funny though, how God can change your perspective through hard things.
Saturday and Sunday I was having some stomach issues, nothing serious but some discomfort. By MONDAY morning I thought I was dying! No exaggeration there! I was so sick I was convinced I would have to be sent back to America due to some weird illness that made every bone in my body sore. (And just to paint a picture…I never get sick back in the States). This was not just any sore, but an excruciating pain that went through my whole body each time I moved…day or night. And that wasn’t all of it, I felt that I was going to throw up at any second. Whether it was from trying to eat something, look at something, or smell something…everything made me want to throw up. I had a fever and my stomach was cramping non stop. I was laying there on my half deflated air mattress, hot, sweating, alone, bugs, smells… thinking about what ailment I might have that could end up sending me home. Then…I did it. I started to let my mind wander. I thought of how many people I would be letting down if I had to come home. I was asking God why he would have me raise so much support if I was only going to stay here for a week. I started thinking about home and how much I missed the little comforts…my bed, air conditioning, cold water, television, my family, and especially my mom. I wanted to call her that Monday morning, but I had no service, and the leaders have “taken” our phones for the first month (except on weekends). I was filled with so many emotions…and I kind of fed them. I thought to myself… “if only I could talk to my mom. She would make me feel better. She would know what to do”. And then it hit me…I realized! “Kayla! Are you for real? Your on the other side of the world and your still trying to rely on mom and “stuff” instead of God!” Honestly, this frustrated me. I am only two weeks in and I already had forgotten one of the things I wanted to learn from this trip. Total reliance on HIM. Of course I am focused on the ministry and how I can show others love, but I also wanted to become an adult in my faith! This was one of the really big pressing things I wanted to learn. I want God to speak to me and give me comfort! I don’t want to have to go through my parents, my church family or other mentors (although I appreciate them). I want to grow a relationship with God that is my own…Him and me. I know wanting to be with family when you feel sick is normal, but I want God to be so real, such a reality in my life, that he supersedes all else. That it becomes instinct to lean into Him before I look to lean into others or other things. So I began to refocus, which didn’t happen until late Tuesday night, because I am so stubborn. But when I got over myself and focused on Him, I felt a peace come over me, a calm. My mind was “stilled”. We did end up going to a doctor, which was located in a house in a not so great community, but the doctor was able to give me some medication (for free thank the Lord). He believes it was just a bad case of food poisoning. I have to say, it seems this is a different kind of food poisoning, as at home it seems to last 1-2 days…this lasted 5. But I am finally on the mend and I now feel a bit silly that I freaked out as much as I did and that I took on all this extra stress rather than just trusting God. I can already tell, this is going to take more practice and patience (haha). Oh and isn’t it funny…my whole team eats together and I was the only one that got sick with food poisoning (Haha). Although I felt like I was dying, I am so very thankful that I went through that and that God was faithful and showed me something through it. Now as I look back on it, Gods hand was over me the whole time. He knew the outcome and I just had to trust in that. I may not always see the other side of things, but instead of letting my mind drift and allowing myself to freak out, I need to learn to take a deep breath and go to HIM. I am ready to see what He has in store for this next week! GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME!!!! ALL THE TIME…GOD IS GOOD!
