The beginning of training camp we had what felt like nonstop sessions of worship music and praise, and honestly, it was so amazing. It felt like every night during worship someone had an encounter with God that left them in tears. Halfway through camp, the worship sessions stopped because we had so much other stuff to do, and let me tell you, we felt deprived. We were looking for any free time we could find to sing songs of praise and worship. Towards the end of training camp, We got to have a squad day. We got to sit around a campfire we made, and essentially, do whatever we wanted to do. Naturally, we saw no better way to spend it than getting out a guitar, and lifting up our voices of praise to God.
We got out the guitar(and a ukulele), started a fire, cooked our dinner, and began to sing songs of praise. It felt like one of the few times we didn’t have to rush to the next camp event, solve some sort of over complicated team puzzle, or run 2.2 miles with a 40 pound backpack on.. We had time to enjoy the company of each other and lift up praises to The Most High King.
The first song they sang was Reckless Love by Cory Asbury. Definitely an easy song to sing along to and enjoy. Then we sang So Will I(100 billion X) by Hillsong United. This was a much harder song to sing along to because it is so long, and a lot of the words change, but it was still awesome.
What always gets me about the song are the verses towards the end of the song.
“And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I”
The first verse hits hard because I grew up thinking I was a failure. I’m not sure how i came to that conclusion, I had such loving parents and such incredible support from everyone I knew. I had this idea of what success looked like, and I tried with all my might to get there. Often it meant trying to get the best grades, be the best at my job, or even getting into a good university so I could make something of my life. None of it worked. I ended up deeply depressed and lost. Every mistake, no matter how small, made me a failure. I was a failure as a manager, I was a failure as a student, and I was a failure as a son.
However, God was there with me the whole time. When i started listening to His voice, I felt my worries start to disappear. He showed me I wasn’t a failure. Those were just lies I believed. He loved me enough to give away His son to die for me. I love these verses and how it ends with surrender. I surrendered my doubts, fears, and expectations, and He showed me who I was in Him. I am a son of The God Most high. Although I really love the verse about surrender, the next ones are my favorite.
“I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I”
I honestly get chills when I hear that last “So Will I”. God loves everyone of His children enough to have died for them. Every person deserves to be loved. He earnestly believes we are all worth it. He believes every life is worth fighting and dying for. So Do I.
After our worship session under the stars, a few of my fellow racers wanted to do some group sharing. We went around in a circle shared one hope and one fear we had for the upcoming year. Every hope and fear was written down and put into a google doc. The idea being that throughout the year we will be praying for each others hopes and fears, and keeping track of what prayers were answered. by sharing our fears, we are no longer carrying that burden alone, we have 34 other friends who are helping us carry our fears, and praying for us the entire way. It was kind of beautiful to hear everyone be so honest and vulnerable. Everyone encouraged each other no matter how big or small the fears.
I will not lie. I am still scared about what next year holds. I’m afraid to leave everyone and every thing I have ever known. I am afraid of life back home moving on without me, and I am afraid of who I might be when I return home in December 2019.
However,
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control”
2 Timothy 1:7(ESV)
In my study bible it says the Greek word used for fear is “Deilia” Which means cowardice, or can refer to someone who flees from battle. I am afraid, but I will not flee.
“ And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.
20 Immediately they left their nets and followed him.”
Matthew 4:19-20(ESV)
When Jesus called the disciples, they dropped everything they ever knew and followed Him. Jesus believed everyone was worth saving. So Do I. They dedicated their lives to following in his footsteps, loving God and loving others. Until the day they died.
So will I.
-Josi G
