I can honestly say training camp changed my life. Going into it, I was hoping to feel a deep presence from God while being at camp but honestly, I didn’t think anything crazy significant would happen. I came to know the Lord personally around two years ago (which drastically changed my life)…
“That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.” John 3:6-7
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved.“ -Ephesians 2:4-5
… so I thought I had my complete identity in Christ. But boy was I wrong. God had so much planned to teach me during these ten days at camp in the middle of nowhere Georgia.
I had always thought I was just average. My whole life I was constantly trying to push my self to be “better”. More outgoing, more of a leader, less sensitive. Just being Jillian wasn’t enough for me. I always felt like I needed to be different than how I naturally was in order to feel good enough. That was just how I lived my life. I wasn’t enough. I needed to be different in order to feel like I could be something in this world. It doesn’t help that our society makes us feel like we are useless if we aren’t “successful” or have some kind of high up position (which is a lie straight from the devil).
On day one of training camp, God began revealing how I viewed myself to me. We always hear how much God loves us. The Bible talks about it everywhere. I never questioned God’s love for me, but soon began to find out that this was a fact I knew in my head but didn’t truly understand in my heart. We are told that God loves us sooo much and that He created us and has a purpose for our lives.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.“ Jeremiah 29:11
It sounds silly, but I just couldn’t believe it. I believed it about everyone else, but the enemy was keeping me from allowing myself to believe God had a purpose for ME too.
But praise Jesus (and thanks to the support of my squad’s leadership), The Lord removed that lie I was believing. My whole life I thought I needed to do more, be more to feel worthy or like I had a purpose. Now I know in my heart that I am the Lord’s daughter and He loves me SO MUCH. He created me to be ME. If I keep striving to be someone different than who the Lord created me to be, then it’s like I’m telling God that what He created isn’t good enough. I am now overflowing with God’s love for me. He has plans for my life and I CANNOT wait to see what they are. My God is so loving and gracious. He cares about each of us in such an intimate and caring way. He loves us with a love that is beyond our comprehension and is just waiting for us to fall into His loving arms.
I am so grateful for where God has me in life. I’ve never felt so complete before. In just six weeks, I will be leaving to spread His love all around the globe and I cannot wait.
